Shadow Hawk Posted August 21, 2014 Report Share Posted August 21, 2014 It's not the bullet with your name on it that you have to worry about, it's all the ones addressed "to whom it may concern". tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 22, 2014 Report Share Posted August 22, 2014 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.would be funnier with a basketball or dodgeball. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted August 25, 2014 Report Share Posted August 25, 2014 would be funnier with a basketball or dodgeball. I always heard it with a frisbee. Chris. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 Why do lazy Amish move to Scotland? To raise some wee bairns. Burrito Boy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate to find missing information. Lucius 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 26, 2014 Report Share Posted August 26, 2014 There are two big secrets to ultimate success in this life: 1. Never tell everyone everything you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 There are two kinds of people, those who foolishly think you can divide people into two kind and those who know better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who count in binary and those who don't. Burrito Boy, mikeward2534 and BlueCloud2k2 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count, and those who can't. Which one are you ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 27, 2014 Report Share Posted August 27, 2014 Yes, that's right. Bazza 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 4, 2014 Report Share Posted September 4, 2014 Rick Astley owns every DVD in the Pixar catalog, and he will happily lend you any of them, except for one. He's never gonna give you Up. Burrito Boy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 She swore she recognized me from the vegan club meetings, but I told her I'd never met herbivore. tkdguy and Burrito Boy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 I went to a bar last night and saw three, um, hefty women speaking in what I thought was a Scottish accent. So I walked up to them and said, "Pardon me, are you three lasses from Scotland?" One angrily replied, "It's Wales, you bloody idiot! WALES!!!" So I said, "Sorry about that. Are you three whales from Scotland?" And that's why I woke up in the hospital today. I wonder if I should send this to my colleague, who is a Welsh woman (but NOT hefty), and has a black belt of her own. Maybe this is time for ... discretion. Pariah, mikeward2534 and tkdguy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 Instead of one-liners, how about some two-liners? Bazza, Pariah and Lucius 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 5, 2014 Report Share Posted September 5, 2014 Instead of one-liners, how about some two-liners? Ok, a few of those were good. Punishment postponed. Bazza 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pattern Ghost Posted September 6, 2014 Report Share Posted September 6, 2014 A duck walks into a pharmacy and buys a condom. The clerk says, "Do you want me to put that on your bill?" The duck says, "I'm not that kind of a duck!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Two men are visiting New York. Man A: Do you think we should get a cab? Mab B: I used to be a New York Cabbie. Man A: Why'd you quit? Mab B: I learned how to drive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 It's like the Robert Redford line in Sneakers: "You know, I could have been in the NSA, but they found out my parents were married." tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted September 22, 2014 Report Share Posted September 22, 2014 "Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator." Someones' profile on fanfiction.net death tribble, tkdguy, Cancer and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted September 23, 2014 Report Share Posted September 23, 2014 ...Boromir was right. One does not simply walk into Mordor. There's some climbing involved, too. And fighting a giant spider, the occassional rescue, orc-fighting... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 Cat puns freak meowt. (Seriously, I'm not kitten.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted October 22, 2014 Report Share Posted October 22, 2014 Cat puns freak meowt. (Seriously, I'm not kitten.) Well, don't throw a hissy fit over it. But really, are you feline fine? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted October 23, 2014 Report Share Posted October 23, 2014 This is especially funny because UH is currently looking for a university president. After the last one turned out to be incompetent and possibly crooked, and her predecessor was incompetent and definitely crooked. Not really holding out a lot of hope, although the interim guy is head of IT, actually knows what he's doing, and has an outside chance of winding up with the job by default. Update: head of IT wound up with the job by default. Faculty is on the verge of mutiny. Now, back to the jokes. (Cancer, you should have applied.) bigbywolfe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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