Pariah

"What do we want?" "CLICKBAIT!" "When do we want it?" "THE ANSWER WILL SHOCK YOU!!"

Usually, but not always. To wit: "Just because you're out of your mind, that doesn't make you a genius." (Similar to, "Just because nobody understands you, that doesn't make you an artist.")

I guess it was meant to B.

I signed up for a philosophy class in college, but I ended up not going after the first week because the rest of my class load was so demanding. I did decide to go for the final exam, though. On the board, the professor had written the following: "To do is to be." -Aristotle "To be is to do." -Nietzsche "Do be do be do." - Sinatra This is literally the only thing I remember from that class. I got a B.

They're starting on Wednesday night. Seriously, WTF?! New Topic: How is your favorite member of the Justice League celebrating Thanksgiving Day?

There's probably a research grant in there somewhere if you write it correctly.

I spelled out the word 'Foxbat' for Little Boy Pariah today. He sounded it out correctly. He just turned three years old. Wow.

So, a charter school and voucher advocate with no actual experience in the teaching profession is in line to be the next Secretary of Education? Splendid.

Am I the only one who sees a parallel between Clinton's "Basket of deplorables" and Mitt Romney's "47%" comment four years ago?

He's rumored to be first in line for the 2017 reboot of Milli Vanilli.

Yeah, aren't there already too many Kardashians?

Recite forty-five minutes' worth of exposition about the psychosexual states of Prince Hamlet and Queen Gertrude.

At words poetic I'm so pathetic That I always have found it best Instead of getting 'em off my chest To let 'em rest, unexpressed I hate parading my serenading As I'll probably miss a bar But if this ditty is not so pretty At least it'll tell you how great you are You're the top, you're the Collisseum You're the top, you're the Louvre Museum You're the melody from a symphony by Strauss You're a Bendel bonnet, a Shakespeare sonnet, you're Mickey Mouse You're the Nile, you're the Tower of Pisa You're the smile of the Mona Lisa I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop But if baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top You're the top, you're Mahatma Gandhi You're the top, you're Napoleon brandy You're the purple light of a summer night in Spain You're the National Gallery, you're Garbo's salary, you're cellophane You're sublime, you're a turkey dinner You're the time of the Derby Winner I'm a toy balloon that's fated soon to pop But if baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top You're the top, you're a Waldorf salad You're the top, you're a Berlin ballad You're the nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire You're an O'Neal drama, you're Whistler's mama, you're camembert You're a rose, you're inferno's Dante You're the nose, on the great Durante I'm a lazy lout who is just about to stop But if baby, I'm the bottom, you're the top

Q: Are the daffodils really encouraging us to use more Roundup? A: Three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket.

The first version was published in 1861-62.

"These are the new Chromebooks. They're the G5 instead of the G3. What's the difference? (holds up a 'V' sign) Two."

Hidden in the mountains Under the earth and stone A cubic mile of perfection A treasure no one has known One man came upon this mother load Built himself a thousand room chateau He's the emperor of diamonds Master of the prize He's got a hold on happiness And all that money can buy Everyday he lives in fascination This is not an everyday temptation No, it's a diamond as big as the Ritz What you gonna do with this, tell me Who's gonna save you when your a slave to The diamond as big as the Ritz A blessing can become a curse If you keep it to yourself Your own exaggeration Is not so good for your health It's the prophecy of the unattainable dream If you take one look behind the shine It doesn't always gleam Everyday he lives in fascination This is not an everyday temptation It was a diamond as big as the Ritz What you gonna do with this Who's gonna save you when your a slave to The diamond as big as the Ritz Coal under pressure Sparkle of treasure Crystalline measure Ornamental pleasure In the corner of your eye Make a grown man cry All the seeds you've sown Greed can crumble your castle walls Greed can purchase you thrills Power is a dangerous thing It can maim it can kill It's the prophecy of the unattainable dream If you take one look behind the shine It doesn't always gleam It was a diamond as big as the Ritz What you gonna do with this Who's gonna save you when your a slave to The diamond as big as the Ritz

Grandpa's running a three-card monte racket down at the park. He's made $3000 so far this week. New Topic: Someone from your gaming group just called you and said they needed bail money. What did they do?

A portable hole. (Illegal due to smuggling implications.)

Weapons grade naquadah.

(overheard in class) Student: So I just have to sell my soul to the school for another year and a half.... Me: I think it's adorable that you think you still have a soul. Student:

Island I see you in the distance I feel that your existence Is not unlike my own Island They say no man is like you They say you stand alone Sometimes I feel that way, too It's the need for love Heart and soul accompaniment Seems to make me different from you Well, I've tried to book passage But you have no ports And I've tried to sail in, but your wind and waters Tore my sails and broke my oars Island I see you in the moonlight Silhouettes of ships in the night Just make me want that much more Island I see you in all of my dreams Maybe someday I'll have the means To reach your distant shore When the need for love Heart and soul accompaniment No longer males me different from you Well I've tried to build bridges But they all fell down And I've taken to the air on wings of silver But I always hit the ground Well, I've tried to book passage But you have no ports And I've tried to sail in, but your wind and waters Tore my sails and broke my oars Island I see you in the moonlight Silhouettes of ships in the night Just make me want that much more

Okay, now you're wandering in the realm of pure fantasy.

"The USFL had real promise. I blame you for its demise."

The second translation team reports that the title "To Serve Man" may have a different meaning in context. New Topic: As we come to the end of year that has brought us Brexit, President-elect Donald Trump, and the Cubs winning the World Series, what does 2016 have in store for its grand finale?