Pariah

Don't torture yourself. That's my job.

"He has my father's eyes." "Gomez! Take those out of his mouth."

"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realized I'd been invited to an autopsy.

An offense for the Donkeys. They haven't really had one for a couple of years now. New Topic: Crazier things to do on a Sunday afternoon than tailgating in -20°F (-29°C) temperatures.

And with a flick of my wrist, I could change your religion.

My three-year-old son came up to me today and said something. I couldn't make it out, exactly, so I asked him to say it again. I figured it out the second time. He was saying, "Let's get down to business to defeat the Huns."

We always knew you was a whoopsie.

You light, the skies up above me A star, so bright you blind me Don't close your eyes Don't fade away Don't fade away Yeah you and me we can ride on a star If you stay with me girl, we can rule the world Yeah you and me we can light up the sky If you stay by my side, we can rule the world. If walls break down, I will comfort you If angels cry, oh I'll be there for you You've saved my soul Don't leave me now Don't leave me now Yeah you and me we can ride on a star If you stay with me girl, we can rule the world Yeah you and me we can light up the sky If you stay by my side, we can rule the world. All the stars are coming out tonight They're lighting up the sky tonight For you For you All the stars are coming out tonight They're lighting up the sky tonight For you For you, Yeah you and me we can ride on a star If you stay with me girl, we can rule the world Yeah you and me we can light up the sky If you stay by my side, we can rule the world. All the stars are coming out tonight They're lighting up the sky tonight For you For you All the stars are coming out tonight They're lighting up the sky tonight For you For you

Comrade Duck: You have been given until daybreak in Murmansk to get your cotton-pickin' trucks out of the U.S.S. of R. You will copy!

Right again, Professor.

The b**** hit me with a toaster!

It's raining/partly sunny in SLC; how do you all rate snow and cold?

I don't want to die. And your men don't want to die, and these people certainly don't want to to die. It's a shame you're in such a hurry to.

You're not wrong.

Keith Richards is, by any statistical measurement, an outlier.

Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

You tell me that you've got everything you want And your bird can sing But you don't get me You don't get me You say you've seen Seven Wonders And your bird is green But you can't see me You can't see me When your prized possessions start to weigh you down Look in my direction, I'll be 'round, I'll be 'round When your bird is broken will it bring you down You may be awoken, I'll be 'round, I'll be 'round You tell me that you've heard every sound there is And your bird can swing But you can't hear me You can't hear me

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a registered six offender.

Jim Steinman? Who's that? I forget. Wait...it's all coming back to me now.

I love this. I enjoyed it so much, I shared it on the Book of Face.

Conversing about tennis online isn't about getting the most responses. It's about love. * ducks *

Hello, hello, hello, is there anybody in there?

Peppermint has sent Petey the Stone Cold Penguin (the official mascot of the sport of curling) to spread dead fish all over your kitchen.

And I never thought Jagger's moves were particularly impressive, Maroon 5's song notwithstanding.

Q: A blind date to McMurdo station isn't quite what you had in mind? A: I think you were supposed to use cinnamon, not cayenne pepper.