Pariah

They were natural, I presume...

It was April the Forty-first, being a quadruple leap year; I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was overheating. So I pulled into a Shell station; They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix the dam thing and leave my private life out of it, okay, pal?" While they were doing that, I walked over to a place called the Oyster Bar. A real dive. But I knew the owner; he used to play for the dolphins. I said, "HI GILL!" (You have to yell, he's hard of herring.) Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' through the Gulf stream. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Wet dream. Gill was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water. I bellied up to the sandbar; He poured the usual: Rusty Snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred. With a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the mako. I slipped him a fin, on porpoise. I was feeling good; I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's Squids- For the halibut. Well, the place was crowded. We were packed in like sardines. They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal. What sole. Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna, "Salmon chanted Evening" And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, Probably there to see the bass player. One of them was this cute little yellowtail, and she was givin' me the eye. So I figured this was my chance for a little fun. You know, piece of Pisces. But she said things I just couldn't fathom. She was too deep, seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy, could she drink. She drank like a... She drank a lot. I said, "What's your sign?" She said, "Aquarium." I said, "Great! Let's get tanked!" Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' through the Gulf stream. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Wet dream. I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "C'mon baby, it'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that same old line: "Not tonight, I got a haddock." And she wasn't kidding, either, cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over to me; he said, "Listen, Shrimp. Don't you come trollin' around here." What a crab. This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes. I turned to him and I said, "Abalone! You're just being shellfish." Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gill, cause he was already on the phone to the cods. The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless. I said, "Forget the cods, Gill. This guy's going to need a sturgeon. Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me; she said, "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?" I said, "Marlin." Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' through the Gulf stream. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Wet dream. Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flounders. And then I went home with her. And what did I get for my trouble? A case of the clams. Think I had a wet dream Cruisin' through the Gulf stream. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Wet dream.

Captain

John McClane. Because he had a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho. Breakfast Battle: Bacon vs. Sausage links vs. Sausage patties.

When contacted by a market research surveyor, don't threaten to eat his liver with fava beans and a nice chianti.

Stage

The Charlie's Angels movie was a joke. TV version all the way. 4th sport showdown: NHL vs. MLS

Stage

Did you know I used to be one of those guys?

Botany

Consumer

Mister

Hulk

'Post' beats 'Duplicate'. Baby Groot fails to advance past the Q & A round, and Vader and Darkseid both bomb the swimsuit competition. Kermit wins. I'll Take 'S' words for $200, Alex: Lightsaber vs. Excalibur

Public opinion polling firms, maybe?

It would probably make me less confused, wouldn't it?

Mother of Hades.

Or maybe this kind?

The Donkeys just signed Jamaal Charles away from the Chefs. According to Denver LB Shane Ray (formerly at Mizzou), "people back home are just sick" over the signing.

; clearly the guy is a heathen

Tired and frozen, I'm under your spell I thought I knew you, but now I know you well I wake up beside you, move across your killing floor I need my freedom and I see an open door The room is getting smaller and the walls are closin' in No one's leavin' and nobody's gettin' in I try to run, I try to hide I try to tell you what I'm feelin' inside Should I stay, should I go You know I want to touch you, but there's nothing left to hold Don't chain my heart (don't chain my heart) Don't chain my soul (don't chain my soul) Don't chain my heart (don't chain my heart), 'cause you got to let it go Looks like trouble, the signs are everywhere I bend a little but you take more than your share Crimes of passion, crimes of mortal men It's a deadly attraction and I won't be fooled again, baby The storm is coming, the winds begin to rise Please release me from this house of compromise All day, all night, Your love is like an outlaw waiting till the time is right Nobody's wrong, no one's to blame Maybe it's just too hot because we're standin' in the flame Don't chain my heart (don't chain my heart) Don't chain my soul (don't chain my soul) Don't chain my heart (don't chain my heart), 'cause you got to let it go I'm a victim of your pain and jealousy I feel like a prisoner and you hold the lock and key We lost our vision, we lost our paradise But there's still a part of me I refuse to sacrifice I try to run, I try to hide, I need to tell you what I'm feelin' inside, baby Should I stay, should I go You know I want to touch you, but there's nothing left to hold Don't chain my heart (don't chain my heart) Don't chain my soul (don't chain my soul) Don't chain my heart (don't chain my heart), 'cause you got to let it go

When I ride the hounds of hell Twist my foot, I nearly fell I was lucky I was alive One look back, I could have died I was the sole survivor Sole survivor Sole survivor Solitary fire When I saw it, I was amazed One-time glory right in my gaze I saw the sorrow, I saw the joy Light in the darkness none could destroy I am the sole survivor Sole survivor Sole survivor Solitary fire And from the wreckage I will arise Cast the ashes back in their eyes See the fire I will defend Just keep on burning right to the end I'll be the sole survivor Sole survivor

Libation

And where's the avatar of that rather plain-looking woman, anyway?

A not-entirely-serious side question: Suppose things go perfectly wrong for Raiders 1st round pick Gareon Conley, and he is ultimately indicted, charged, and convicted. He goes to prison for 5-15 years and never plays a down in the NFL. Would that make him a bigger draft bust than JaMarcus Russell?