Old Man

Some Christmas music is nice. Some is so bad it makes my teeth hurt. Jingle Bell Rock is one of these.

Nothing has arisen to clear officers in previous cases and yet they still usually keep their jobs.

I think I would throw in an OCV penalty for such an odd, vaguely obscene arrangement.

...

Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long, long year Stole many a man's soul and faith And I was 'round when Jesus Christ Had his moment of doubt and pain Made damn sure that Pilate Washed his hands and sealed his fate Pleased to meet you Hope you guess my name But what's puzzling you Is the nature of my game I stuck around St. Petersburg When I saw it was a time for a change Killed the czar and his ministers Anastasia screamed in vain I rode a tank Held a general's rank When the blitzkrieg raged And the bodies stank Pleased to meet you Hope you guess my name, oh yeah Ah, what's puzzling you Is the nature of my game, oh yeah I watched with glee While your kings and queens Fought for ten decades For the gods they made I shouted out, "Who killed the Kennedys?" When after all It was you and me Let me please introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste And I laid traps for troubadours Who get killed before they reached Bombay Pleased to meet you Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah But what's puzzling you Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby Pleased to meet you Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah But what's confusing you Is just the nature of my game Just as every cop is a criminal And all the sinners saints As heads is tails Just call me Lucifer Cause I'm in need of some restraint So if you meet me Have some courtesy Have some sympathy, and some taste Use all your well-learned politesse Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah Pleased to meet you Hope you guessed my name, um yeah But what's puzzling you Is the nature of my game, um mean it, get down Woo, who Oh yeah, get on down Oh yeah Oh yeah! Tell me baby, what's my name Tell me honey, can ya guess my name Tell me baby, what's my name I tell you one time, you're to blame Ooo, who Ooo, who Ooo, who Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Oh, yeah What's me name Tell me, baby, what's my name Tell me, sweetie, what's my name Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Ooo, who, who Oh, yeah

I arrived with the others as dawn broke. The cavernous parking structure, still under construction, echoed faintly with hushed but intense conversation. The enemy was coming for us, today; we would meet them here, and we would be ready. At least, as ready as we could possibly be. We broke into squads to train together. Most of us were still learning to use our new powers, and I was no exception. Like most, I had simply gained greater strength and agility. In theory it was enough for me to bounce around like a world class parkour master, but with no practice, I was just as likely to fall flat on my face: probably a fatal occurrence in battle. My squadmates and I spent the next few hours rushing throughout the parking structure. Wall running, diving between floors, and especially up and down staircases and access ladders, we familiarized ourselves with our powers and with the battlefield at the same time. I didn't know how I was supposed to fight anyone, but I was going to be pretty good at dodging and running away. The few who had manifested more comic-book like powers had split off to practice separately. Focused as I was on my own training (and survival), I could pay them little mind. There was a girl who had some sort of telepathic capability, and someone else was able to project blue force bolts. Almost before we knew it, the enemy arrived, and battle was joined. Whatever plans we had, if any, quickly evaporated. Weapons were hurriedly distributed; someone pressed a bow into my hands and said something about the "powered armor" guys. I lost my squadmates almost instantly as the battle devolved into a wide ranging free for all. I caught a group of enemies rushing into the structure in the corner, over a low wall; they appeared to be simple physically-enhanced types like myself. I began firing at them immediately and not very accurately. The nocks on the arrows were tight, and I had to keep taking my eyes off the enemies in order to look at the damn bowstring to get the arrows on. Still I managed to score a few hits on them, and the rest bypassed me. I wasn't sure if I'd frightened them off or if I was so pathetic with the bow that they didn't take me seriously as a threat. I ducked into a nearby stairwell and out the other side, and found myself behind an enemy in powered armor. He resembled Iron Man, only with black and blue coloration, and (more importantly) his arc reactor was mounted on his back between his shoulder blades. He was busy firing repulsor blasts at some of my comrades, so I stepped up behind him and fired an arrow into his arc reactor at a range of inches. He dropped instantly. As he fell I noticed an arrow whiz past me from the other end of the structure. Another black-and-blue Iron Man stood down there, armed with a bow, and he was firing at me. We briefly engaged in a ridiculous archery duel at a range so far that it was trivially easy for either of us to sidestep the other's arrows. I whirled to find another enemy coming right at me; she was one of the physically enhanced, but dressed and equipped as a ninja, and a pretty good one at that. I backpedaled as she hurled a series of throwing spikes at me. They stuck in the wall where I'd been standing, and rushing forward, she used them as steps to leap over me, drawing her sword as she did so. I ducked under the inevitable stroke that followed, and dove into another stairwell. By the time I came out on another floor, we'd won, or at least driven them off. But there was no time for celebration--we had to clean up any evidence of the battle and scatter before the authorities got wind of the fight (and thereby, our existence). And we knew that we had a lot of training to do before our next encounter. I scrambled around, trying to retrieve as many of my arrows as I could, all the while thinking of the ninja girl that had nearly killed me. I knew that I was going to meet her again, and that I would have to learn ninjutsu myself if I expected to survive that meeting. Many of the arrows I picked up were hopelessly broken, but I carried them anyway, along with the bow. My new friends and I scattered. I jogged out into the sunlight--I'd left my car in the parking lot across a busy street from the parking structure. Incredibly, I heard police sirens approaching, and I had to wait for a pair of police cars as they drove up and pulled into the lot where I'd left my car. I shook my head--of course the cops would show up just as I was making my getaway. Then I realized what they were looking for, as a very deranged man came around the fence and right at me as I jogged across the street. He had constructed some sort of tube that launched spikes (spikes again, seriously?) and fired a couple at me as he approached. I sidestepped each, thinking that I really didn't want to have to kill this dude with the cops right on the other side of the fence. But then he dropped his tube and pulled out a very large cattle prod, grinning maniacally as he did so. I had no choice--drawing my knife as I lunged, I plunged it into his chest, driving him to the ground. There was blood everywhere. He gurgled and died, still grinning in a deeply disturbing way. The cops didn't notice.

I think that's one of the few things that lead doesn't do, actually.

Ha, we have that exact issue, and see-who-screams is the policy we've adopted. Problem is some of these tables are accessed very infrequently, so it can literally be years before someone screams.

...Not sure that pencil necked Klingon battlecruisers count as 'substance' either.

Admittedly, you do also need for the blast radius to be shorter than the range of the weapon.

More on the murder of the rancher.

As long as the CEP is smaller than the destructive radius, you're good.

All I know is, now we have to find it. I can't stand losing things.

Exactly!

Why not both?

Blockbuster Movie starring: Matt Damon as the guy who needs rescuing Samuel L. Jackson as the angry but eloquent man with a gun Sean Bean as the guy who dies Scarlett Johansson as the other woman Will Smith as the guy who saves the world Ben Stiller as the guy who gets humiliated in the opening scene

I have to get from now to next Friday on the $80 in my wallet.

Or they might look like a rainbow, or at least a set of parallel lines of different colors.

Can I have his stuff?

Bank robber with face tattoo is bad enough.

Is L. Marcus still holding his breath?

Christmas is going to be unusually bad this year. Which is really saying something.

Approximately a gross of zorkmids or roughly one Triganic Pu.

Can't you guys just answer the question?

Is a hot dog a sandwich?