Burrito Boy Posted December 18, 2015 Report Share Posted December 18, 2015 After seeing a license plate: "Hey, Kansas." "Hey, Toto." "No, that's a different band." Pariah, aylwin13 and Ternaugh 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 18, 2015 Report Share Posted December 18, 2015 "I'm not a fan of the holidays, so I just wish everyone a Merry Bah, Humbug." "I have a sickness. I suffer from oldfartitis." L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 Person A to Person B: I never know when you're being serious. Person B to Person A: Me neither, actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 Person A to Person B: I never know when you're being serious. Person B to Person A: Me neither, actually. Cases like these are best treated as a quantum-mechanical mixing of states. It's made more difficult in that you don't know the proper basis state set. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDarkness Posted January 9, 2016 Report Share Posted January 9, 2016 Me to a friend with hiccups: You know what stops hiccups? My friend: What? Me: Nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rails Posted January 14, 2016 Report Share Posted January 14, 2016 Me to a rather liberal (politically) coworker with the hiccups: "Want me to scare those out of you?"Her: "Give it a shot."Me: "President Donald Trump."Her: <Hiccup> "Didn't work."Random customer that was standing in front of us: "Well, THAT'll give ME nightmares!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted January 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2016 Cases like these are best treated as a quantum-mechanical mixing of states. It's made more difficult in that you don't know the proper basis state set. Do you know a proper basis state set? And can you introduce me? Lucius Alexander The palindromedary claims to know an improper basis state set but won't give me the phone number Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 20, 2016 Report Share Posted January 20, 2016 Me: "A satanic question is one that tests your faith. In this case, about yourself and your understanding. "For example, you get a physics problem and you look at it and say, 'I can do that!' And you grind away at it and eventually you get an answer … an answer you did not expect. "Do you believe it? How's your faith? If your understanding and faith are strong, then you say, 'Huh. Yes, I believe that, because …((physics)).' But if your faith is weak, then you say, 'I made a mistake,' and you do it again. And you get the same answer. Do you believe it now? Or do you burn another slug of time and try it again? "See, that's a satanic question. It punishes your weakness by costing you time. That's the role of Satan in the Universe: to punish your weaknesses and make you stronger in the end." (Later) "And if that doesn't get me burned at the stake, I don't know what will." Lucius, FrankL and Pariah 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted January 31, 2016 Report Share Posted January 31, 2016 We had a family thing with other families in the home school group. At one point, a boy between 18 months and 2 years (I'd guess) toddled by. My wife said, "He's the littlest Book." Book being another of the families there. I replied, "Looks like a novella to me." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted February 5, 2016 Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Me pulling a studen'ts leg: "What's the difference between a male chromosome and a female chromosome?" "The female is the pretty one." At least the student thought it was funny. And yes, I explained what the difference actually was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted February 14, 2016 Report Share Posted February 14, 2016 Church is delayed (possibly canceled) for snow. I sent this to my wife this morning. If I were Martin Luther, I would write 95 reasons that I love you. If I were John Calvin, a bouquet of tulips would testify that I find you irresistible. Were I Karl Barth, my expressions of love would be most dogmatic. Were I CS Lewis, an essay on how I feel all four loves for you would be on the way to you right now. Were I Augustine, my only confession would be my love. Were I Anglican, I would gladly be your defender. However, we are Arminians, and so I say "I choose you." And we are part of the Wesleyan tradition, so I find my heart warmed by thoughts of you. And as Classical Pentecostals, I speak now of the initial evidence of our love. tkdguy and Cancer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enforcer84 Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 "I should be appreciative, not apologetic." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 16, 2016 Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 "It grieves me to have to say this, but you should never attempt to eat or drink anything you find in a chemistry lab." Grailknight 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 16, 2016 Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 "Nothing we're using today is particularly dangerous, but if you get a face full of ammonia, it will not be a good day for you." Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted February 17, 2016 Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 "I'm old-school. I don't have a GPS. I use a compass and spyglass." Cancer, Rails, Old Man and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 17, 2016 Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 "You use the word 'evil' more in your lectures than any other science instructor I've seen." Pariah and tkdguy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 I remember watching an episode of Scooby Doo where the gang checked into a hotel (there was a "Vacancy" sign on the door), and the monster appeared soon afterwards. So I first thought "vacancy" had a bad connotation. I remember passing by a motel a few weeks after and thought there was something sinister there. Hence my quote: "I thought 'vacancy' meant something bad, and it's Scooby Doo's fault!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 "It grieves me to have to say this, but you should never attempt to eat or drink anything you find in a chemistry lab." I pointed out to my chem 1 professor that one should never lick the spoon after an experiment and he took 3 pts off my final lab report. "Your so-called sense of humor shows you are incapable of the seriousness needed to conduct proper scientific research and have no business inside a lab." He actually wrote that on the paper. A prior lab (when he wasn't there), I went mad scientist while mixing some compounds together. One of my lab partners said to another (both ladies had slightly frightened looks on their faces), "Frank has way too much fun in here." Burrito Boy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 Eight months ago, someone clutched a monkey's paw and said, "Don't let Jeb get the nomination." Lucius, Ternaugh and bigbywolfe 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 28, 2016 Report Share Posted February 28, 2016 "Nothing we're using today is particularly dangerous, but if you get a face full of ammonia, it will not be a good day for you." In my case it was chlorine. but ... yeah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 If you continue to use 'bae' as though it were an actual word, I will have no choice but to punch you right in the feels. Burrito Boy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted March 8, 2016 Report Share Posted March 8, 2016 I treat them like inbred ginger triplets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 9, 2016 Report Share Posted March 9, 2016 ((Students wailing that the astronomers' .iso files are not the kind of file you burn onto a CD)) Me ... "Yes, those are isochrone files. Flat-text files that contain stellar evolution codes' output. You can read it in Notepad or vi or something, right?" "WHY DID THEY NAME THEM THAT??? Why'd they break the standard?!?" [The students had spend considerable time trying to open the files with things that read "ordinary" .iso files, which helpfully provided them only with the error message, "This is not a .iso file."] Me: "Almost certainly because the astronomers started using that naming convention before the ISO standard was formulated." ((Continued wailing and gnashing of teeth.)) FrankL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 10, 2016 Report Share Posted March 10, 2016 Chaotic Good: Ditching school to go to a church activity. tkdguy and Burrito Boy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted March 21, 2016 Report Share Posted March 21, 2016 Me to wife last night: [Our 8yo] and I had to have the racism talk tonight. Wife: Because of the Little House episode? ["Dark Sage," Dr. Baker brings a new doctor to town who is black.] Me: Yeah. He asked me a very pointed question. "Why did that man hate Dr. Ledoux more than he loves his wife?" [A farmer's wife went into premature labor while Doc Baker was away. Dr. Ledoux had to perform an emergency C-Section but the farmer was dead set that "no _______" will touch his wife. Charles punched him. Dr. Ledoux saved their lives.] Wife's [eyes got big from the question he asked]: So you explained it? Me: Yeah, and you realize exactly how stupid and ridiculous racism is when you try to put it in terms an 8yo will understand. Ternaugh, Old Man and Enforcer84 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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