How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

[sinanju]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

So…um…you admit to being passive aggressive too?

 

I prefer to think of it as "giving him enough rope to hang himself."

 

He might've been able to make it work. I did give him a couple of minor side adventures, but since he wouldn't communicate with the other PCs in his "secret" identity and they a) didn't want to hang around with "Plague" anyhow and had no way to contact him even if they did--he was pretty much left out in the cold and I wasn't going to warp the adventure to cater to him.

[bubba smith]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Hi All,

Thank you so much for the many replies and help!

I'll try to get to individual posts, but I'm going to try not to write too much at the moment, lest I repeat the bad habits of last night

Well, it was an interesting night.

 

After all of the mess with BloodClaw, I actually got to the session a little late, and I saw Red, Dreamy, and oh yeah, the Maiden. The new male/female character was starting tonight and I had kind of forgotten (wow, smooth move GM!).

 

The really noticably absent parts were no BloodClaw and... no Harry

 

So, we started gaming for a while, introducing Maiden to Red, some hijinks ensue, and Red eventually deduces out that Maiden's not a woman (I later found out that Maiden and Dreamy told her before I arrived, but it made her look impressive )

 

We're into the game for a bit, and I'm scrambling to try and figure out a plot hook (Harry's agency is my #1 fallback for plots), when who walks in, but Harry!!!

Without BloodClaw!

I sort of asked what happened, and Harry said that his friend decided to "do something different tonight."

 

Wow. Just wow.

So, we start gaming, and it's not until the PCs are introducing Maiden to Harry, that I realize that in all the madness, nobody's told Harry the uh, special secret that Maiden has. (She's actually a teenage boy with the magic ability to become a woman. Yes, she's also unavoidably hot)

So, Red and Dreamy trade notes and I think they decide to see how long it takes the "PI" to figure it out. It actually took a LONG time, mostly because Harry was hamming it up about how he's a fan of Maiden and giving off these kind of funny little looks.

Intervention eventually became necessary, as he kept staring at his (the PC's) chest for a full minute or so. Red piped up and said something snarky, and he responded that he'd need an EGO roll. He rolled pretty well, then kept on staring. I asked why he did that, and he said that "with bazooms like that, it's at least a -6 penalty."

 

I forget who threw the first dice at him, but soon it was full on dice-throwing mayhem, with everyone eventually lying around laughing their tails off.

We even went for drinks afterwards, and Harry was nice enough to buy drinks for everyone (yay, didn't have to get carded ).

 

He explained to me that BloodClaw kind of thought that he'd be able to just hang around and eventually one of us would just HAVE to throw ourselves at him. I'm pretty sure he was exaggerating. But the best part of the evening, was that when I asked him if he's fine with BloodClaw not coming, he said that "nobody else but this pack of fools would have him."

I think I cried a little bit, I'm not sure. Red said something snarky, and everyone eventually left.

 

Welcome to my life as a sit-com

 

I'll try to write up more later.

 

-SC

 

P.S. I just realize that I don't think anyone ever told Harry! (gah!)

i think he's dropped and disrespected your group

[Vondy]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

 

P.S. I just realize that I don't think anyone ever told Harry! (gah!)

 

Providential!

 

I'm glad it worked out - and you got to keep Harry!

 

But based on your description, Harry may have cottoned onto the problem on his own.

 

Mazal Tov!

 

I have no idea why I'm on this exclamation point kick of late.

[SimComm]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Dear All,

I was trying to write back replies, but really, they're all going to say the same thing:

Thank you SO MUCH for all of your support!!

 

I guess now the only thing I have to deal with LABC (Life After BloodClaw) is trying to figure out what I should do with his character (I usually put them on a bus), and also what if he should come back?? I have no idea if he will...

 

Also, wanted to get feedback on something, as I'm always a bit worried about things like this. Did I take the "easy way out" and basically get Harry to do my "dirty work" for me?

I now feel kind of bad that I may have inconvenienced him and made him trouble with his friend (even though I didn't like BloodClaw doesn't mean that he didn't...)

Should I have buckled down and talked to the guy myself??

(Sorry to keep asking things like this all the time, really, really unsure all the time on things like this...)

 

Thank you!

-SC

[Supreme Serpent]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

I guess now the only thing I have to deal with LABC (Life After BloodClaw) is trying to figure out what I should do with his character (I usually put them on a bus), and also what if he should come back?? I have no idea if he will...

 

That's one of the upsides to the mysterious loner types - they're easy to write out. He mumbles something about going south or to the woods or something and disappears. He won't be back. Don't invite him. If he shows up uninvited, continue the game without him. You're under no obligation to let anyone who shows up at the door into your game (or even inside at all, if it comes to that).

 

Also, wanted to get feedback on something, as I'm always a bit worried about things like this. Did I take the "easy way out" and basically get Harry to do my "dirty work" for me?

I now feel kind of bad that I may have inconvenienced him and made him trouble with his friend (even though I didn't like BloodClaw doesn't mean that he didn't...)

Should I have buckled down and talked to the guy myself??

(Sorry to keep asking things like this all the time, really, really unsure all the time on things like this...)

 

Chill. Harry brought him, Harry cleaned up his own mess. Don't worry about it. Move on.

[CourtFool]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Being one to avoid confrontation myself, yes, I think you did take the easy way out. Having said that, do not beat yourself up about it. As Supreme Serpent said, "Don't worry about it. Move on."

 

What I think you should focus on is learning from this experience. You have a right to enjoy your own game. If someone is raining on your parade, you have a right to say something. Being assertive does not mean being an a-hole (something I am still struggling with). The trick is finding common ground where everyone can have a good time. Mature players will realize, if the GM ain't happy, no one's happy.

 

Disclaimer: I am not a professional. I do not play one on t.v. And I did not stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. All of this is coming from someone who has plenty of his own demons to face.

[Doug McCrae]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Did I take the "easy way out"

You say that like it's a bad thing.

[Vondy]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Also, wanted to get feedback on something, as I'm always a bit worried about things like this. Did I take the "easy way out" and basically get Harry to do my "dirty work" for me?

I now feel kind of bad that I may have inconvenienced him and made him trouble with his friend (even though I didn't like BloodClaw doesn't mean that he didn't...)

 

The problem was satisfactorily resolved. I wouldn't worry over how it was resolved. If he'd shown up you'd have dealt with it head on. He didn't show and saved you the effort. It sounds like Harry brought him and Harry dealt with him. And you got to keep Harry. That is a good thing, no? As for whether Harry likes this unwashed Bloodclaw fellow or not, he made a choice about what he wanted to do and who he wanted to hang with at game time. Don't second guess it for him. He can always spend other time with him if they're buddies. Be happy.

[Guest steamteck]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Don't sweat the details or worry over the exact way things came about. I think you handled it just fine. It seems everyone is happy now and enjoying your game . Move on. Upward outward and excelsior as one of my wife's characters says.

 

Don't worry about the Bloodclaw character. Being what he is. He could certainly move on vanish , etc with no in game explanation needed. Probably just as well for him to not show up again as an NPC. Just let him fade away and move on.

 

You seem like a very considerate individual which is great. Just need a little self confidence boast maybe. I actually found GMing helped me quite a lot with that myself. Anyway good luck with your game and have fun.

[Trebuchet]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

I guess now the only thing I have to deal with LABC (Life After BloodClaw) is trying to figure out what I should do with his character (I usually put them on a bus)' date=' and also what if he should come back?? I have no idea if he will...[/quote']Don't make too big a thing of it. Otherwise you risk BloodClaw infecting your games even when he's gone. He was a problem player and character, he's gone, and you should celebrate (discretely and tastefully, of course) and move on.

 

You handled it just fine. My guess is your friend Harry, being more sensitive than a rock, saw how you felt about BloodClaw and felt responsible for bringing him in. He saw it as his problem, not yours, and dealt with it accordingly. No harm, no foul.

[Vondy]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

This:

 

...You have a right to enjoy your own game. If someone is raining on your parade' date=' you have a right to say something. Being assertive does not mean being an a-hole...[/quote']

[BoloOfEarth]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Dear All,

I was trying to write back replies, but really, they're all going to say the same thing:

Thank you SO MUCH for all of your support!!

 

I guess now the only thing I have to deal with LABC (Life After BloodClaw) is trying to figure out what I should do with his character (I usually put them on a bus), and also what if he should come back?? I have no idea if he will...

 

Personally, I'd have him just disappear without an explanation - for now. Whether he left on his own volition or against his will is up to you. (My inclination is to have a few clues for the players to find, but nothing they can really pursue without some key information you can reveal later if you want.) That way, if the player does return (presumably better behaved), you've laid the groundwork for a plotline to bring BloodClaw back into the game.

 

I once had a player want to take a hiatus; over the weeks leading up to his departure, I got the other players to have their characters criticize and act more and more hostile toward the departing hero (Hybrid), until the hero left in disgust. (Note that this was not directed at the player, but at the character.)

 

Then, when the player came back into the game, I ran him through a solo session where an NPC discovered that Hybrid was generating pheremones that were causing anyone close to him to intensely dislike him. (This was thanks to Malachite, a master geneticist.) Before Hybrid could pursue that, he was captured by supers hired by Malachite and taken to a facility where he was used as the template in a cloning experiment. His teammates eventually discovered this and helped break him out. And the fun part was, Hybrid gained a new nemesis, Mongrel (who basically had his same powers).

 

Also, wanted to get feedback on something, as I'm always a bit worried about things like this. Did I take the "easy way out" and basically get Harry to do my "dirty work" for me?

I now feel kind of bad that I may have inconvenienced him and made him trouble with his friend (even though I didn't like BloodClaw doesn't mean that he didn't...)

Should I have buckled down and talked to the guy myself??

(Sorry to keep asking things like this all the time, really, really unsure all the time on things like this...)

 

Thank you!

-SC

 

I think you handled it fine. Harry knew him much better than you, so I think having him handle it was the best way -- he'd know the best approach, one that would make the least problems for him as well as you.

[Ian Mackinder]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

I'm yet another latecomer to the thread. Heck, I had to join in, seems like everybody else is here already.

 

SimComm, very simply, don't worry and don't beat yourself up over what has happened. If anything, having this guy lose interest and quietly drop out, of his own volition, is perhaps the best possible resolution you could hope for. No dramas, no hard feelings to be had, etc..

 

I do suggest that you NOT do anything that he might somehow perceive as an invite to return. Such as, if meeting by chance, asking if he's ever coming back, or even sending a message to ask what he wants to do about his character. I am not saying that you would do this, but it is something to keep in mind.

 

Just in case, maybe have an excuse (white lie) handy if he ever talks about coming back - such as his place in the game has been given to somebody else, and you cannot handle any more PCs than is there already. If doing this, make sure all your other Players are onboard.

 

One other thing, on top of all the other (good) advice that people have offered.

 

SimComm, your concern for others and sensitivity does you great credit. But, to put it nicely, as a Referee, you MUST be ready to put a footprint in somebody's face if they get out of line. Doesn't mean instant retribution for a minor sin, mind you. But, some assertiveness early on can prevent things from getting out of hand. Lots of new Referees believe that the worst thing that could ever happen to their game is to lose one Player and, occasionally, it is the opposite that is more true.

 

Good luck with your game, and feel free to ask further questions about GMing and RPGing - this is one of the best possible forums around for that.

[Vondy]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Referee' date=' you MUST be ready to put a footprint in somebody's face if they get out of line...[/quote']

 

Let us call it "a firm and decisive hand."

[Ian Mackinder]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Let us call it "a firm and decisive hand."

 

Perhaps.

 

What is that great line from 'Babylon 5'?

 

Something like "... Sometimes, you can get better results using a kind smile and a lump of two-by-four, than just the kind smile..." .

[CourtFool]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

I am a little surprised to see someone suggesting lying. I apologize, Ian. this is not meant as an attack on you. I just do not think that is the best idea.

 

I would go with something more like…

 

BC: "Oh hey, sorry I missed the game the other night. I was out of town. I am looking forward to this week's game."

SC: "I am sorry. I like the group dynamic the way it is now and I do not want to change it. BloodClaw dropped out of the picture and I do not want to work him back in."

BC: "But I was only out one game!"

SC: "I am sorry. I like the group as it is."

[CourtFool]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Something like "... Sometimes' date=' you can get better results using a kind smile and a lump of two-by-four, than just the kind smile..." .[/quote']

 

Just as you have a right to have fun, you have a responsibility to your other players not to let one of them ruin everyone else's fun.

 

If I may air one of my own beefs here, I believe the other players share equally in this responsibility. If one player is ruining for everyone, the other players should back the GM. In my opinion, all too often, the other players sit silently and expect the GM to do all the heavy lifting. Granted, I acknowledge the GM is, for lack of a better word, the default authority figure. Players should be mindful their own actions do not infringe on other people's fun (including the GM) and they should also gently remind each other when one steps out of line.

[Cygnia]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Write Mr. Slashy out. Maybe he's on walkabout. Maybe the diplomat whose daughter got hogtied by him had him arrested finally.

 

While it can be tempting to turn him into a bad guy to be beaten up, I'd hold off on that unless/until there's absolutely no chance he'd ever come back to the table.

 

There is always the chance (unfortunately) that this player might try to return. Stay firm and trust your gut. But if you feel you absolutely have to give him One More Chance (DON'T!), say he can't play that character again. He must play a team-oriented character willing to work with the PCs/benevolent NPCs.

[SimComm]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Thank you all for the advice! I do feel a lot better.

I guess it did end well after all, and I'll try to do a "cryptic farewell" sort of thing for BloodClaw.

 

I think I mostly worry because Harry's one of my oldest friends and I worry that I might do something ill-advised unintentionally.

Actually I worry about this kind of thing alot, especially the day after a session.

(My BFF has nicknamed this a FMS (F (my real name) Mental Syndrome), as I used to call her up in panic-like fits after every session; I've gotten better, really! )

And I am really working on the self-confidence thing. I think I've gotten better mostly thanks to RPGs, especially now that I'm a GM from time to time. In the game I'm pumped up and fine, but afterwards there tends to be umm... concern

 

Thanks again!

-SC

[CourtFool]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Been there. I still do it. The day after the game I am slapping my forehead thinking, "Why didn't I do that."

 

Stop.

 

It is counterproductive. You are human. You are going to make mistakes. Deal with it. You should try to learn from your mistakes, but beating yourself up over them accomplishes nothing.

 

I regularly try to get input from my players. It would be easier to just pull out all of their teeth, but I try. At this point, I figure, if they really hate the game, they will leave. Otherwise, I am doing fine. If my players hate the game and they do not tell me or just up and leave, it is their own fault now. I did my due diligence.

 

Give yourself permission to not be perfect. It is a huge relief. If you were perfect, then you could not improve and how boring would that be? Not to mention, no one likes Ms. Perfect anyway. She is such a know-it-all.

[Tasha]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Thank you all for the advice! I do feel a lot better.

I guess it did end well after all, and I'll try to do a "cryptic farewell" sort of thing for BloodClaw.

 

I think I mostly worry because Harry's one of my oldest friends and I worry that I might do something ill-advised unintentionally.

Actually I worry about this kind of thing alot, especially the day after a session.

(My BFF has nicknamed this a FMS (F (my real name) Mental Syndrome), as I used to call her up in panic-like fits after every session; I've gotten better, really! )

And I am really working on the self-confidence thing. I think I've gotten better mostly thanks to RPGs, especially now that I'm a GM from time to time. In the game I'm pumped up and fine, but afterwards there tends to be umm... concern

 

Thanks again!

-SC

 

After game concern is a good thing. It means that you care about what you players think of your game. It can be constructive, in that you look at what went well and what felt flat and then use that to do better next game.

 

Sounds like everything turned out fine. I would probably just let BloodClaw fade away, without a word. If one of the PC's brings it up then you can worry about a story excuse for him. Otherwise I would just let it go, kind of like the character never existed.

 

I agree with the poster who recommended that if BC's players comes back in the future, that you should make him create a new character that is Team Oriented with Out of Combat skills etc. Basically have him make a character that could integrate with the rest of the team. Also letting any new players know upfront that you run a more "talky" game with lots of skills being used and rare combat may help lower the amount of new player churn. Never be afraid to put your foot down over any character you suspect that won't fit in to your group.

 

I am glad it worked out

Tasha

[SimComm]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

CourtFool:

Thanks!

I'm so far from "Ms. Perfect" you have no idea!

And I'm glad I'm not alone with this whole "FMS" issue

 

Tasha:

Thank you as well!

I really am glad for all the good advice.

In a way, I hope he eventually does come back (though later!) just so that I know that he hasn't given up RPG's forever. (Is it bad that I'm starting to worry about this too? Probably...)

Until then, I'm just going to enjoy how things are right now

 

-SC

[teh bunneh]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

(My BFF has nicknamed this a FMS (F (my real name) Mental Syndrome),

 

Francis? Federico? Ferdinand? Fred? Frank? Fibinocci? Fabio? Faust? Filipe? Feivel? Fergie? Filbert? Flash? Fitzpatrick? Floyd? Fry? Forbes500? Fastback?

 

 

Am I getting close?

[Odraude]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Francis? Federico? Ferdinand? Fred? Frank? Fibinocci? Fabio? Faust? Filipe? Feivel? Fergie? Filbert? Flash? Fitzpatrick? Floyd? Fry? Forbes500? Fastback?

 

 

Am I getting close?

 

That would be cool if her name was Faust

[Cygnia]

Re: How to make the Loner feel not so Lonely?

 

Don't mind The Bunny. Just give him a couple dozen electric shocks and he'll be fine.

 

Of course, he actually likes that, so make sure you get the money up front first.