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Champions Universal Deathmatch: Peacemonger vs. The Warlord!


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Johnny's Voiceover: In a pleasant, peaceful world, the liberal socialist minions of Peacemonger happily distribute the benefits of a strong centralized government and joyful volunteer military. The environment is clean, the people are well fed, and you will obey these rules, or die!

 

Nick's Voiceover: In a brutal, militaristic world, you will be drafted to feed the plans of conquest! Your children will be soldiers, and your children's children, born to fight, bear arms, and die in an endless battle for military supremacy.

 

Johnny: Tonight, the champions of these two philsophies will meet, in a winner take all battle...

 

Nick: Yes! Tonight, we'll find out which is better! Fascist peace? Or Endless War! (Holds up a jar of ash, marked "Defender!") It's Peacemonger versus the Warlord...

 

Defender in a Jar: ON CHAMPIONS UNIVERSAL DEATHMATCH!

 

(A new Logo Appears, of Johnny and Nick in the center of a large CU Deathmatch sign. The dot of the "I" is Defender in a Jar)

 

(Focus in on Nick and Johnny, wearing tuxedos and hiding under blast shields.)

 

Nick: Well, Johnny, after last week's disappointing double kill, I'm really looking forward to tonight's match.

 

Johnny: Yeah, Peacemonger hasn't been seen since Third Edition! We're really looking forward to see what he's been up to. Fortunately, we've got a special guest to tell us what's been going on. Let me introduce our very special ringside guest, GENETIC DEVIANT X!

 

Nick: You brought Genetic Deviant X here? Are you crazy? He eats brains, for god's sake. Oh...wait. Of course...you're safe, aren't you Johnny?

 

Genetic Deviant X steps up into the announcer's booth. He looks like a cross between a skeleton half covered with flesh and tiny suckers, and a pimp daddy. He's wearing a velvet tuxedo jacket and magnificent black leather pants, and he has two girls, one under each arm.

 

Genetic Deviant X: Hey, guys! How's it hanging! A lot's changed since the old days! Scram, girls, I'm announcing! (He slaps the two bimbos on the behind, and they giggle and run off) I've been cruising the strips, seeing the ladies, and when I heard Peacemonger was gonna be here, I figured I'd come and see how the old boy was doing! I've become a lot more erudite of course, since I went to college and graduate school. I even wrote my thesis on "The Psychological Misperception of the Brain Eating Zombie in the Postmodern World!" (He holds up a book and hands it to Nick.) Here, buddy, it's even signed!

 

Nick: Uhh...thanks, Genetic Deviant X. Do you...still eat brains?

 

Genetic Deviant X: Well, every so often, but you know, yours is kind of tough and stringy, and Johnny...well...he's Johnny.

 

Johnny: I don't see where all of this is going, anyway, Debbie will be back to interview our candidates in just a little bit, after our weekly Nar-Cola commercial.

 

Focus in on a Nar-Cola Executive: Nar-Cola!!!!!! It's in your house! It's in your life! It's up your (BEEP!)!!!!

 

Focus in on a Censor: We really don't say things like that at the office! Really. (Drinks a can of Nar-cola) He's just been without his daily dose.

 

Focus in on a Nar-Cola executive, drinking a Nar-Cola: Ahh, I'm so terribly sorry for my use of foul language. We really don't use words like (BEEP!) or (BEEP!) or even (BEEPBEEP) around the office. Thank you, and good day.

 

Nar-Cola. It's what makes you who you are!

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Re: Champions Universal Deathmatch: Peacemonger vs. The Warlord!

 

Johnny: And we're back! Debbie's downstairs live talking with the Warlord now.

 

(Focus in on the Warlord and Debbie. Debbie is tiny compared to Warlord's massive suit of powered armor.)

 

Debbie: So, Warlord, how are you going to beat Peacemonger tonight?

 

Warlord: That pansified wimp is no match for the raw military firepower contained within my battlesuit. I'm going to blast him to smithereens!

 

Debbie: So, if you're so manly, what are you doing after the fight.

 

Warlord: Um...

 

Debbie: Well?

 

Warlord: Young lady, if you are questioning my tactical ability, I don't believe you understand what I'm all about! I could never sleep with such a liberal, whiny, suckup pansy who doesn't know the butt end of an AK-47!

 

Debbie: I could change your mind...is it true you're a little bit of a dirty old man?

 

Warlord: This interview is over! (Storms off and strides to the ring)

 

Debbie: Well, I never! Back to you, Johnny!

 

Johnny: Maybe he's gay?

 

Genetic Deviant X: That would be good for you, Johnny!

 

Nick: And right now, Warlord is storming towards the ring, where we await the arrival of Peacemonger!

 

(There's a loud thrumming noise from below the announcer's booth, and a large beat-up old pickup truck comes into view from the locker room. Peacemonger is in the back, along with a hippie band of elderly people and raggedy, threadbare flower-children. He has no hair left, and a disturbing lump in his skull despite his cybernetic enhancements, which whirr and click with life. They are playing loud music.)

 

Warlord, Genetic Deviant X, Nick, Johnny, and Defender in a Jar: What the !@#$#@!?

 

Peacemonger: WAR! What is it good for?! Absolutely nothing! Sing it again! WAR! Oohhh, ohh, ohh, yeah!

 

Defender in a Jar: Oh, my god, he brought a band! This is so rockin!

 

Genetic Deviant X: Only you would consider that band rockin! They're so old, they don't even have any brains left to eat. Not that it matters to you, you're a heap of ash in a jar!

 

Defender in a Jar: Uhh...Johnny? Save me?"

 

Johnny: Is that a walker for one of the members of his band?

 

Nick: (Peering down at the pickup truck as it rattles towards the ring.) Yeah, I think so! This one might be over before it starts! Peacemonger looks like death warmed over!

 

Warlord: Get in here, you disgusting peace lover! I'm going to put you at peace for good!

 

Peacemonger: It's all cool, man! You're just alienated from the product of your labor, a victim of the sociofascist military industrial complex!

 

Genetic Deviant X: Wow...they're...debating! This is..unexpected! I long to test my PhD against theirs in honorable and fair...

 

Johnny: Not for long, Genetic Deviant X. Let's introduce the judge for our bout, since Peacemonger's leaping into the ring!

 

(Peacemonger's legs give an annoying cybernetic whine, and he lands in the ring with a heavy thump!)

 

Nick: Here he is, Ladies and Gentlemen! The genetically regrown arm of Judge Mills Lane, courtesy of the Teleios Corporation! You know him! You love him! He is...

 

JUDGE MILLS LANE!

 

Judge Mills Lane swings into the ring on a massive regrown ape arm. It doesn't look much better than the arm that Mechanon replaced him with.

He raises his new arm to the crowd and waves.

 

Johnny: Is that...Doctor Silverback's arm?

 

Nick: We're having a few budget problems. So we cut it off and paid Teleios some money to get Judge Lane back on track.

 

Genetic Deviant X: That's...just wrong.

 

Defender in a Jar: Look. Who are you to determine what's wrong? I'm a heap of ash in a jar, and you're a brain eating space mutant! Heck! Your real name is Sid! That's got to be worth points in the loser pool!

 

Genetic Deviant X: Don't...EVER...use that name again! EVER! (His eyes glow with power, and his suckers extend from his fingertips)

 

Johnny: (Putting Defender in a Jar behind his back.) We'll be back with Judge Lane explaining the rules to our contestants right after this!

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Re: Champions Universal Deathmatch: Peacemonger vs. The Warlord!

 

Defender in a Jar: And we're back!

 

Nick: Yeah, Judge Lane is about to go over the rules with them. This should be quick.

 

Judge Lane calls Peacemonger and Warlord over.

 

Judge Lane: All right, boys! Now I'm sure, being evil master villains and all, that you know the rules! There aren't any!

 

Peacemonger: Fine with me! This militaristic fascist's days are numbered, man!

 

Warlord: Shut up, you hippie freak!

 

Judge Lane: (Ducking out of the way with a graceful slide using Doctor Silverback's arm) Right! LET'S GET IT ON!

 

Nick: Peacemonger and Warlord are squaring off! And here we go!

 

Phase 12:

 

Warlord: I've had about enough of your trash talking and your flower children! You're going to die, and then I'm going to squeeze them to a pulp slowly, and make juice out of them!

 

(A forcefield springs into being around Peacemonger)

 

(Flies into the air, and unloads a massive blast of energy at Peacemonger, there is a massive roar of energy and crackling sounds. A loud boom echoes through the arena, and there's a horrid crackle of smoke.)

 

When the smoke clears, Peacemonger is standing there. He doesn't appear to be injured at all. He doesn't appear to have moved at all. His cybernetic legs have dug down into the ring, and he's smiling.

 

Peacemonger: Ouch! Man, that really hurt! If that's the best you and your army can do, the world needs my brand of peace more than your brand of war! I'll even save you...in pieces!

 

(Peacemonger leaps for the Warlord after popping out a vibrosword from his cybernetic left hand!) HEEYAAAAAAAA!

 

The Vibrosword clanks harmlessly off the Warlord's armor.

 

Warlord: At least I bothered you. (Gets out a dusting cloth and polishes the spot.) Thanks for cleaning my lunch off.

 

Post 12 Recovery

 

Genetic Deviant X: Looks like Peacemonger got the short end of the stick on that exchange.

 

Defender in a Jar: Yeah. He doesn't look so good.

 

Phase 3

 

Nick: And now, Warlord's pulling something else from his massive arsenal! Is that a flamethrower, Johnny?

 

Johnny: Yes it is, and Peacemonger doesn't look so peaceful, or Happy!

 

Warlord: Now you're going to burn in the fires of war! I love saying Fires of War! Even non hero products have products named after me!

 

(WHOOOSH!) There's a massive roar of flame as Peacemonger is blasted with the flamethrower!

 

(Peacemonger screams as the flamethrower washes over him, his horribly burned body singes a little bit and he bleeds profusely from his lip.)

 

Peacemonger: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MY SKIN! OH GOD! MY SKIN! MY...You really didn't think that was more than a scratch, did you? (Peacemonger smiles dementedly)

 

Warlord: That should have kayoed you...how...how did that work?

 

Peacemonger: I absorbed the impact of your first blast and used it to create a resistance field. (New CON score of 40 will just stop the stun from AP) Now it's your turn. Do you have one?

 

Peacemonger pulls out a small little capsule.

 

"This...is a grenade. A very special grenade. People like you hate grenades like this. Dodge if you dare." He gives Warlord the peace sign and hurls the grenade.

 

BANG! (There's a loud screeching sound, and Warlord's faceplate cracks a little bit)

 

Warlord's helmet sparks a little bit, and there's a few spatters of blood on the spiderweb.

 

Warlord: You're destroying my armor? A clever tactic, but no match for one who has fought in the jungles of Malaysia, the Deserts of Africa, and the depths of the ocean!

 

Peacemonger: You forgot your mother's bedroom!

 

Warlord: DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER LIKE THAT, YOU FLOWER LOVING, PEACEMONKEY SIDESHOW (String of Expletives Deleted)

 

Judge Lane: I'll allow it!

 

Defender in a Jar: Wow! We can't even repeat that on cable!

 

Genetic Deviant X: I can't repeat that in my whorehouse!

 

Nick: Whorehouse??????

 

Johnny: YOU run a Whorehouse?????

 

Genetic Deviant X: Everyone needs a side business. The ladies love me once I drain their minds!

 

Defender in a Jar: Could you, you know, take Debbie and replace her with some other bimbo?

 

Genetic Deviant X: Why? She's just like Johnny, only with negative potential.

 

Nick: Meanwhile, back in the ring...

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Re: Champions Universal Deathmatch: Peacemonger vs. The Warlord!

 

Warlord: (Cursing. He can't believe he fell for the old force field plus absorption field in the gadget pool trick). !@#$#@!@$! That's it! You've done enough! Do you know how expensive bulletproof alien technology is?

 

Peacemonger: You...you stole my ORIGIN too? You BASTARD!

 

Nick: Looks like someone's fighting his own tribute villain! How about that, Johnny?

 

Johnny: Well, they are EXACT opposites with the same origin.

 

Warlord: And I'm great at playing chess! What do you play? Ring around the Rosie?

 

Warlord charges up his blaster gun, and fires a massive bolt of force at Peacemonger! There's a horrible (WRRRRRROOOOOOOOOM) as the blast slams into Peacemonger. When the smoke clears, Peacemonger is still standing there, and Warlord can't believe his eyes.

 

Defender and Genetic Deviant X: Holy !@#$%@! He LIVED!

 

Peacemonger: No! I play in my science lab. And I brought more than one of those grenades!

 

Warlord: You have GOT to be kidding me!

 

(Peacemonger hurls a second grenade at the Warlord! There's another spray of red from inside the Warlord's armor, and the Warlord's flight jets cut out.)

 

Warlord: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (THUD!) (The Warlord smashes into the ring and puts a hole in it as his flight jets cut out.)

 

OOC: He will also fail his breakfall roll by 4!

 

Phase 5

 

Warlord: Nnngh! Stuck...under ring...can't...stand up. Say goodbye anyway, Peacemonger, HAHHHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! You're not the only one with grenades, you stupid idiot! At least I don't have male pattern baldness as my defining villainous characteristic!

 

Warlord fires a grenade up into the ring, and it erupts with a massive blast around Peacemonger!

 

(KABOOOM!) The grenade erupts in the arena, blasting around Peacemonger with a horrible WARROOOOM noise! Judge Mills Lane dives for cover.

 

Judge Lane (Hanging from the Scoreboard by his new gorilla arm!): I'll allow it!

 

Peacemonger: Oooh...that tickled.

 

Judge Lane: Oh !@#$#@!

 

Peacemonger: Oh !@#$%!

 

Warlord: Oh !@#$%$!

 

The Scoreboard detaches from the ring and crashes down onto Warlord and Peacemonger, with Judge Mills Lane still hanging from the edge.

 

Judge Lane, Peacemonger, Warlord: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!

 

The scoreboard falls onto Peacemonger and Warlord, smashing them both into the ground!!!!!

 

Peacemonger: That was...almost entertaining, Warlord. But now, it is my sad duty to inform you that I have two more grenades.

 

Peacemonger idly tosses a grenade into the hole left by Warlord after he stands up from his own hole. (BOOM!)

 

Warlord: You've got to be KIDDING ME! ACK! (Blood begins to leak out from under the faceplate. This is getting nasty) My...jump jets? Those too? I don't need to reach you to kill you! I have a million weapons!

 

Phase 8:

 

Nick: Wow, Johnny. Peacemonger's taking the Warlord apart! This is completely unexpected!

 

Johnny: Yeah! Peacemonger's got the juice today! How did that happen? Judge Lane is still trying to climb back into the ring! This kind of destruction doesn't happen in every deathmatch! Looks like Warlord's pulling out something new again! Is there anything this guy can't do?

 

Warlord: That's it! I've had enough of this! Your PEACE, your grenades, and that loser minion of yours named Sid in the announcer's booth! I swear I'm going to rid the world of all of you socialist hippie freaks!

 

Genetic Deviant X: He did NOT just say that! He did NOT!

 

Defender in a Jar: Oh, yes! Yes he did!

 

Johnny: Ohh, man! This could get rough! He's not just a genetic deviant!

 

Nick: How do you know that? (Looks suspiciously at Johnny and Genetic Deviant X)

 

Genetic Deviant X: It's on my D-Space page, baby! I'm not just a pimp, I'm a multidimensional pimp! But right now, I'm gonna teach that Warlord guy a lesson! NO ONE calls me Sid! No one!

 

(Genetic Deviant X leaps for the ring, howling in fury as he vaults down out of the announcers booth with a mighty leap!)

 

Genetic Deviant X: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINSSSSS!

 

Nick: Oh, my god! Genetic Deviant X has joined Peacemonger and Warlord in the ring! There's no telling what's going to happen now!

 

Johnny: This has turned into a real Brain-ha-ha!

 

Defender in a Jar: Is he gone yet?

 

Peacemonger: Oh, !@#$#@!# I hate to kill and run, Warlord, but the nice thing about being a brilliant inventor is you can reroute your own power systems for unbelievable amounts of one shot power. Then I'm getting out of here before Sid eats my brain!

 

(Peacemonger rewires all his gadget pool points for bonus HKA dice and swings at Warlord as his cybernetic hand extends)

 

Peacemonger: Take THAT!

 

There is a sickening hacking noise as Peacemonger's Vibrosword cleaves into the Warlord's armor, destroying circuits and wires amidst another spray of blood! Warlord flies out of the Arena and smashes into the wall of the arena, imbedding in it sharply, but still being conscious!

 

Warlord: AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! (CRASH!) (He smashes into the wall of the arena. ) I...I'm still alive!

 

Phase 9

 

Genetic Deviant X: PEACEMONGER! Baby! How's it hanging! You...called me...SID! You're dead, too! (Genetic Deviant X reaches out and grabs Peacemonger)

 

Peacemonger screams as Genetic Deviant X grabs him. "N..no...no! You can't! I was winning!"

 

Judge Mills Lane, clambering up to the top of a ring post: I'll allow it!

 

(Peacemonger kicks and struggles in Genetic Deviant X's grip)

 

Johnny: Oh, man! Looks like Peacemonger's going to die! What's going to happen?

 

Nick: I don't know, Johnny. Maybe Defender in a Jar knows the answer!

 

Defender in a Jar: I don't know! I've never seen a fight between two masterminds and a weird braineating genetic mutant before!

 

Phase 10

 

Johnny: It looks like Warlord's planning something! He's getting up and launching something out of that cannon of his...here it comes!

 

Warlord: As long as you two were made for each other, you can die together! Hahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaa! Nothing like a little romance under the napalm!

 

Warlord fires the flamethrower again! It rockets over Peacemonger with a dull, inestimable roar, and Peacemonger screams in pain and horror while Genetic Deviant X grapples him. Peacemonger is not released from Genetic Deviant X's grip.

 

Peacemonger: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

Genetic Deviant X: Ohh, my. Barbequed Brains. My favorite! I must give my compliments to the chef before I eat his brain, too!

 

(Genetic Deviant X licks his lips!)

 

Nick: Ohh, that had to sting, Johnny. It looks like Genetic Deviant X and Warlord have Peacemonger at a severe disadvantage.

 

Johnny: Things don't look good for the old guy, that's for sure!

 

(Warlord grins, it can barely be seen under the spiderweb)

 

Warlord: That'll teach you to mess with the master of tactics!

 

Peacemonger: Get OFF of me! (He struggles in Genetic Deviant X's grip) I created you! I am your superior!

 

Genetic Deviant X: I have genitals, and bodacious dumb bimbos! You have cybernetics and no family life! Who's the man? (Shakes Peacemonger) Say it! Say it! Genetic...Deviant...X...is...the man!

 

Judge Mills Lane: I'll allow it! Genetic Deviant X is the MAN!

 

Genetic Deviant X: NOT YOU!

 

Nick: Looks like Genetic Deviant X is more than just a little upset, Johnny!

 

Johnny: If you had that name, wouldn't you be?

 

Defender in a Jar: Yeah. He is sort of a loser. He even left his velvet jacket here. Is that slime on the inside?

 

Nick: Ugh! Gross!

 

Johnny: Ewww!

 

Phase 12

 

Nick: Looks like Warlord's closing in for the kill!

 

Warlord (Flamethrowers blasting): Bye, Peacemonger! It was nice knowing you! (He chuckles evilly)

 

Peacemonger roasts horribly in the grip of Genetic Deviant X, and struggles in the grip as circuits pop and flesh roasts. His head sizzles a little bit, and the warm smell of burning meat rises into the air.

 

Peacemonger: It's still...not over...(Struggles in Genetic Deviant X's grip)

 

Genetic Deviant X: Yes it is.

 

Peacemonger: Don't be ridiculous! He'll kill you, too!

 

Genetic Deviant X: No he won't.

 

Peacemonger: What?

 

Genetic Deviant X: Because I have your vibrosword, and you've already realized that I'm stronger than you!

 

(Drops Peacemonger, and grabs the Vibrosword, swinging it at Peacemonger)

 

Peacemonger: Oh my GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

There is a disgusting crackle and searing pop as flesh and bone disappear in a bloody crackle and spray. Genetic Deviant X is covered with gore and blood, and Warlord's jaw drops open.

 

Peacemonger's body parts are hanging everywhere, even a few from the booth. (Peacemonger's amplified sword does 4.5d6 HKA. Genetic Deviant X has STR 70. that's 9d6+1, for a total of 43 body. (Ick) Without his force field, Peacemonger has 20 points of PD and 2 body left. Instant kill.)

 

Judge Mills Lane, raising his ape arm: I'll allow it!

 

Warlord: Rommels !@#$#@!!!!!!!!

 

Genetic Deviant X: You!!!!!! You started this! You called me SID!

 

Nick: Oh, my god! Genetic Deviant X just hacked Peacemonger into chopped meat! What's going to happen to Warlord?

 

Johnny: I don't know, but Warlord's at a disadvantage! How will he possibly survive?

 

Nick: We'll find out, after this brief announcement!

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Re: Champions Universal Deathmatch: Peacemonger vs. The Warlord!

 

Post 12 Recovery

 

Phase Three

 

Nick: I can't believe we're back! Great news! Solitaire and Witchcraft are both pregnant! The rumors are true!

 

Johnny: I try very hard not to think about that!

 

Nick: Meanwhile, down in the ring, Genetic Deviant X is closing in on Warlord!

 

Genetic Deviant X: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

 

(Raises the sword over his head and charges the Warlord, smashing through the crowd with a massive vaulting leap!)

 

Warlord: Oh!@#$#!!

 

Warlord leaps out of the way of Genetic Deviant X, and gracefully steps aside.

 

Defender in a Jar: They've taken it outside the ring, guys!

 

Nick: Yeah. It's an all out slobberknocker of a deathmatch! I am loving this!

 

Johnny: I feel a little bad for Peacemonger!

 

Nick: Not half as bad as I feel for us. We'll have to fix the whole arena! Again!

 

Phase 5

 

Warlord: Now, you've met your match! No stupid brainsucker is a match for me! Because I'm wearing a HELMET! Beat THAT, you knucklehead!

 

Warlord unleashes his flamethrower at Genetic Deviant X, which roars around him!

 

Genetic Deviant X: OWWWW! (The blast burns away a big chunk of his body, which begins to immediately regenerate) Right! I'm not just going to kill you! I'm going to violate you! Johnny was right! That's not my only kind of deviancy!

 

Johnny: Oh, my god! That's...what does he mean by violate?

 

Nick: You? You of all people don't know?

 

Defender in a Jar: I know!

 

Johnny and Nick: SHUT UP!

 

Phase 6

 

Genetic Deviant X: Unfortunately for you, Warlord, there's something you've forgotten! I've got super strength, and all you have is a damaged armored suit.

 

(Rips out a massive chunk of the wall and tries to smash the Warlord with it!)

 

Warlord leaps out of the way, as Genetic Deviant X smashes the ground to a pulp, and a taco stand along with the Warlord!

 

Warlord laughs. The bloody smear of a taco vendor bleeds! Genetic Deviant X is astounded!

 

Genetic Deviant X: No way!

 

Warlord: My armor is more advanced than anything you can possibly imagine, Sid. And now it's time for you to die. May the gods of war have mercy on your soul. You should have read Von Klausewitz instead of becoming a pansy philosophy professor of zombies.

 

Johnny: Oh, my god! Did you see that? Genetic Deviant X ripped the wall of the arena out and crushed Warlord with it, and Warlord didn't even feel it.

 

Nick: I almost can't look, and usually, that's your job...

 

Defender in a Jar: Well, I'm looking for both of us!

 

Phase 8

 

Warlord: This is the lethal setting for my force blaster cannon, fool. It uses a technology so advanced, no other alien technology could possibly understand it!

 

(BOOM!) Warlord fires a lethal rocket at Genetic Deviant X.

 

Genetic Deviant X looks down. His leather pants are finally scuffed. He doesn't even bleed from it.

 

Genetic Deviant X: I guess that it was based on understanding it, huh?

 

Johnny: Genetic Deviant X shrugged off some of Warlord's strongest attacks! This might not be as cut and dried as we thought!

 

Phase 9

 

Genetic Deviant X: So, one good chunk of wall deserves another! (Rips out another chunk of wall and smashes it over the Warlord's head)

 

Warlord: So what makes you think that this is going to be successful? You failed last ti...AWK!

 

Warlord crumples to the ground momentarily

 

Warlord: That...was a mistake...Ohh, !@#$#@!

 

Johnny: Oh, my god, Warlord got clocked upside the head! I think this could be it!

 

Nick: Maybe not! Warlord's really tough, and he is just an overly aggressive Pimp Daddy.

 

Phase 10

 

Warloard Moans, rising to his feet...

 

Defender in a Jar: Warlord's getting up!

 

Nick: Yeah! It looks like we might have a match after all!

 

Phase 12

 

Genetic Deviant X: It's time to finish this! (He happily hefts Peacemonger's sword, and leaps at the Warlord!) BRAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNS!...I love saying that!

 

Warlord throws his hands in the way and blocks Genetic Deviant X as the sword blazes near his face!

 

Warlord: Well, obviously, you need some more.

 

Nick: Wow, they're face to face, and Warlord has the advantage! This is unbelievable!

 

Johnny: Yeah! Genetic Deviant X is regenerating, but Warlord might not be able to finish him off!

 

Post 12 Recovery

 

Defender in a Jar: Warlord's loading up with another round! Let's see what this one does!

 

Warlord: You're pretty tough, but I've got a few more surprises in store for you! How about this one?

 

BOOM! Warlord fires a rocket right into Genetic Deviant X, and there's a sickening crunch as large chunks of Genetic Deviant X are blown into the audience. Genetic Deviant X winces.

 

Genetic Deviant X: I've still got mad womanizin' skills. Who's the loser now! Who's the loser? (Genetic Deviant X Swings the vibrosword and hacks through Warlord's armor! There's a sickening pop and a horrid wrenching sound, and Warlord's faceplate shatters! Then with a wet, dull hum, his head explodes in a sickening spray of blood and gore) NEVER CALL ME SID!

 

Nick: OH, my god! Genetic Deviant X just killed the Warlord! Holy COW!

 

Johnny: I don't believe it!

 

Judge Mills Lane: Our winner of the deathmatch is...Genetic Deviant X!

 

Johnny: ANd his millions of screaming mind drained babes!

 

Nick: Yeah, but are you sure you aren't looking for the Pimp Daddy love of Genetic Deviant X?

 

Defender in a Jar: Not me! I'm all brains and no brawn. Can you polish my jar a little bit?

 

Johnny: I'm Johnny Gomez (Polishing the Jar)

 

Nick: And I'm Nick Diamond!

 

Johnny and Nick: Saying Good Fight, and Good Night!

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