Asperion Posted September 27, 2017 Report Share Posted September 27, 2017 Q: What do you need to be a good disaster prepper in the suburbs of San Francisco? A: How dare you cite credible references and demand repeatable results! Q: Look at this list of citations, from sources that are extremely credible. What are you attempting to accomplish with all this? A: pookah rain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 28, 2017 Report Share Posted September 28, 2017 A: pookah rain Q: What will they call this new music movie starring Elwood P. Dowd? A: These are all the people who are mortally offended by the Forward Pass. Listen to them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 29, 2017 Report Share Posted September 29, 2017 A: These are all the people who are mortally offended by the Forward Pass. Listen to them!Q: Sam the Eagle, Father Coughlin, Floyd R. Turbo, Emily Litella, Paul Harvey, William Jennings Bryan ... what is all this? A: It has to be real. No one, I mean no one, is deranged enough to make that up. Well, except ... ummm maybe ... OK you have a point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 29, 2017 Report Share Posted September 29, 2017 A: It has to be real. No one, I mean no one, is deranged enough to make that up. Well, except ... ummm maybe ... OK you have a point. Q: Trump said something gauche on Twitter again? A: The rules are different in Alabama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 29, 2017 Report Share Posted September 29, 2017 A: The rules are different in Alabama. Q - Of course you can't marry your half-sister! Why would you even ask that?! A - At least it's not Donald Trump. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted September 29, 2017 Report Share Posted September 29, 2017 A - At least it's not Donald Trump. Q: What do most Puerto Ricans reply when asked about the possibility of being hit by another hurricane ? A. I'm known to be quite vexing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 30, 2017 Report Share Posted September 30, 2017 A. I'm known to be quite vexing Q: We need to annoy Kim Jong Un so he'll go away! What makes you a good candidate for this mission, Agent 003.1415926535? A: I swear the T.Rex was alive when I found him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted October 3, 2017 Report Share Posted October 3, 2017 Q: We need to annoy Kim Jong Un so he'll go away! What makes you a good candidate for this mission, Agent 003.1415926535? A: I swear the T.Rex was alive when I found him! Q: What are we going to do with this T. Rex body discovered in Central Park? A: We will send in Agent Delirious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 3, 2017 Report Share Posted October 3, 2017 A: We will send in Agent Delirious. Q: Our situation in Paris is desperate but not serious! Who do we send to straighten this out? A: You make horrible Schnitzel, Herr Bond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 7, 2017 Report Share Posted October 7, 2017 A: You make horrible Schnitzel, Herr Bond. Q: You do realize that I'm not actually a gourmet chef, don't you? A: Ten kilograms of gluten-free snickerdoodles ought to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 7, 2017 Report Share Posted October 7, 2017 A: Ten kilograms of gluten-free snickerdoodles ought to do it. Q: How are we going to plug that hole in the dam? A: We are walking a fine line between a nice ride in the sand and death by a creature who's got hooves for hands. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 7, 2017 Report Share Posted October 7, 2017 A: We are walking a fine line between a nice ride in the sand and death by a creature who's got hooves for hands. Q: Daniel, tell me again why we're riding this...whatever it is through the desert. A: Dial the Gate. We're gonna need help with this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 8, 2017 Report Share Posted October 8, 2017 A: Dial the Gate. We're gonna need help with this one. Q: Dang this new Space-Time Visualizer! Why can't it get HBO? A: Must-Flee TV Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 10, 2017 Report Share Posted October 10, 2017 A: Must-Flee TV Q: Why are all the circuit breakers flipped off, and why are you hiding in the crawlspace? A: If it tastes good, it's good for you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 10, 2017 Report Share Posted October 10, 2017 A: If it tastes good, it's good for you! Q: Diabetes, clogged arteries, digestive distress -- why should I have listened to your claim to be a nutritionist? A: Killer Whales! They're the Bad Boys! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 10, 2017 Report Share Posted October 10, 2017 A: Killer Whales! They're the Bad Boys! Q: What are the dolphins complaining about this time? A: He always knew one day he'd say goodbye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 18, 2017 Report Share Posted October 18, 2017 A: He always knew one day he'd say goodbye. Q: Why was he so reluctant to say hello? A: I get the sense charging the Orc encampment might not be as good an idea as you think it is, Sir Donald. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 26, 2017 Report Share Posted October 26, 2017 Anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 26, 2017 Report Share Posted October 26, 2017 A: I get the sense charging the Orc encampment might not be as good an idea as you think it is, Sir Donald. Q: So, is Dungeons ans Dragons mass combat a good way to practice for the invasion of North Korea? A: Procrastination, pure and simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 26, 2017 Report Share Posted October 26, 2017 A: Procrastination, pure and simple. Q: You still haven't gotten rid of the Chocolate Easter Eggs? Why? A: I hope you have a good explanation for the Heir Presumptive jumping all over the dining room in pursuit of insects to eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 27, 2017 Report Share Posted October 27, 2017 A: I hope you have a good explanation for the Heir Presumptive jumping all over the dining room in pursuit of insects to eat. Q: Would you believe 'aardvarks'? A: Once upon a December. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted October 27, 2017 Report Share Posted October 27, 2017 A: Once upon a December. Q: So ... tell me about the "outside child" you were called about that was born back in August. A: Not a present I asked for!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 27, 2017 Report Share Posted October 27, 2017 A: Not a present I asked for!! Q: Happy birthday! I arranged for you to have dinner tonight with the President! A: Of the two, I believe I'd prefer Foxbat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted October 29, 2017 Report Share Posted October 29, 2017 A: Of the two, I believe I'd prefer Foxbat. Q: So would you prefer the deranged supervillian whose weapon fires ping-pong balls filled with a variety of gases that don't cause long-term harm, or the one whose weapon fires magnetic bottles filled with absurdly large amounts of antimatter? A: Of all the possible futures I see, I think you would prefer the one in which you eat the square pizza. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted October 29, 2017 Report Share Posted October 29, 2017 A: Of all the possible futures I see, I think you would prefer the one in which you eat the square pizza. Q: I don't care if it's the End Times. I'm not eating a pizza that isn't round. A: Here's a prescription. Take it to an orthopedist and see if he can get you a spine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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