Asperion Posted May 4, 2017 Report Share Posted May 4, 2017 Q: Er... Why is a grown man walking around in diapers with a pacifier in his mouth? A: Not as radioactive as a bottle of Nuka Cola, but unfortunately not quite as refreshing. Q: Why has there been this surge in powered individuals suddenly? A: Eternity's throwaways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 12, 2017 Report Share Posted May 12, 2017 A: Eternity's throwaways. Q: This stuff just isn't bio-degrading! Who is so bad at making compost? A: Manure is an art, and I am an artist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 15, 2017 Report Share Posted May 15, 2017 A: Manure is an art, and I am an artist. Q: That's not a political platform. That's just a load of bull****! A: I apologize for any inconvenience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 16, 2017 Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 A: I apologize for any inconvenience. Q: Now that you've torn down every bridge connecting Manhattan to the other four boroughs, what have you got to say for yourself? A: Somehow that was not the language of choice I expected among the White House staff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 16, 2017 Report Share Posted May 16, 2017 A: Somehow that was not the language of choice I expected among the White House staff. Q: Сначала заплати мне! A: Dollars, euros, bitcoins, or bullion are equally acceptable. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 Q: Сначала заплати мне!A: Dollars, euros, bitcoins, or bullion are equally acceptable.Q: What is the greatest reason that the aliens have not visited us lately? A: Dealing with the bed bats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 A: Dealing with the bed bats. Q: What's the second-worst part of spending the night in Castle Dracula? A: You're taking the term:"sudden-death overtime" much too literally, coach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 26, 2017 Report Share Posted May 26, 2017 A: You're taking the term:"sudden-death overtime" much too literally, coach. Q: Shrapnel shell ... range 42 yards ... time fuse, not impact ... A: THREE DAY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted May 27, 2017 Report Share Posted May 27, 2017 Q: What is something I never get because I work on Saturday? A: That's a strange-looking banana peel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 27, 2017 Report Share Posted May 27, 2017 A: That's a strange-looking banana peel. Q: OW! I just slipped and broke my coccyx! Say, what's that purple thing on the floor? Is the pain making me see things? A: Nothing says safety like a loaded bazooka in your hall closet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted May 30, 2017 Report Share Posted May 30, 2017 Q: OW! I just slipped and broke my coccyx! Say, what's that purple thing on the floor? Is the pain making me see things? A: Nothing says safety like a loaded bazooka in your hall closet. Q: Why did you destroy your home simply to stop the burglar? A: The universe fizzled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 30, 2017 Report Share Posted May 30, 2017 A: The universe fizzled.Q: How would you describe your "Big S--t" model for cosmology? A: That's stinker than optimal, but it does work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 30, 2017 Report Share Posted May 30, 2017 A: That's stinker than optimal, but it does work. Q: Here are the thirty-five skunks you ordered. I'm afraid our regulations didn;t let us de-scent them.... A: So that's why you hid away for so long, Mr. Blue Sky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 Q: Here are the thirty-five skunks you ordered. I'm afraid our regulations didn;t let us de-scent them.... A: So that's why you hid away for so long, Mr. Blue Sky. Q: Did the mean ol' Grinch steal the sky away again? A: I was attacked by my pillow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 A: I was attacked by my pillow. Q: You genetically engineered your bed? What happened? A: You're a crooked jerky jockey, and you drive a crooked hoss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 A: You're a crooked jerky jockey, and you drive a crooked hoss! Q: I ordered ham and cheese on rye. Why did you bring me a three-decker toadstool and sauerkraut sandwich with arsenic sauce? A: You're welcome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 A: You're welcome! Q: You just burned down my house, kidnapped my boss, sent my children to the Army, cleaned out all my bank accounts, and put me on top of the FBI Ten Most Wanted list? What do you EXPECT me to say? A; She's young! She's sweet! She has incredible cosmic power and amazingly bad aim! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 A; She's young! She's sweet! She has incredible cosmic power and amazingly bad aim! Q: What happened to Planet Bedtime and ... whatever star system that was next to it? A: The fruit cocktail needs more vodka. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 31, 2017 Report Share Posted May 31, 2017 A: The fruit cocktail needs more vodka. Q: Have you been getting your recommended five daily servings of fruit? A: If you continue to behave in this fashion, I will have no choice but to smack you right in the feels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 1, 2017 Report Share Posted June 1, 2017 Q: Have you been getting your recommended five daily servings of fruit? A: If you continue to behave in this fashion, I will have no choice but to smack you right in the feels. Q: "Mommy, Billy's binge-watching Steven Universe and Adventure Time!" A: That was cool! I think I phased through a star system! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 1, 2017 Report Share Posted June 1, 2017 A: That was cool! I think I phased through a star system! Q: Did you drive the Ferrari through the fireworks display again!?! A: It's all OK until someone loses a Jovian planet system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 1, 2017 Report Share Posted June 1, 2017 Q: Who invited Galactus to this party? A: That's what you get when you flock your miniatures with Corn Flakes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 1, 2017 Report Share Posted June 1, 2017 A: That's what you get when you flock your miniatures with Corn Flakes! Q: Where did all these {REDACTED} ants come from?! A: You can't expect a demigod to beat a decapod. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 1, 2017 Report Share Posted June 1, 2017 A: You can't expect a demigod to beat a decapod. Q: Are you making excuses again, Maui? A: Space-Time looks inviting from the outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 1, 2017 Report Share Posted June 1, 2017 A: Space-Time looks inviting from the outside. Q: How's surfing on the Tesseract Sea, dude? A: It's long and difficult. That's what happens when you rush me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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