Pariah Posted March 18, 2017 Report Share Posted March 18, 2017 A: Smoked Ghost. Q: What kind of peppers are in your Smoldering Death salsa? A: A female deer, a drink with jam and bread, and a drop of golden sun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 18, 2017 Report Share Posted March 18, 2017 A: A female deer, a drink with jam and bread, and a drop of golden sun. Q: Elmer Fudd was shot by his wife? What did she find him with in the woods? A: Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a purebred Guernsey cow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted March 19, 2017 Report Share Posted March 19, 2017 Q: Elmer Fudd was shot by his wife? What did she find him with in the woods? A: Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a purebred Guernsey cow. Q: What was Savitar's big presentation today? A: He was beaten by a snail on crutches. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 19, 2017 Report Share Posted March 19, 2017 A: He was beaten by a snail on crutches. Q: We don't get many slugs in this veterinary hospital. What happened to this little guy? A: You are not permitted to stop at DQ. You will go straight ahead at all times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 Q: We don't get many slugs in this veterinary hospital. What happened to this little guy? A: You are not permitted to stop at DQ. You will go straight ahead at all times. Q: Ah come on, can't we get a 5 buck lunch? At the very least, how about we turn left before we go off the cliff? A: If you see something, say nothing and drink to forget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 Q: Ah come on, can't we get a 5 buck lunch? At the very least, how about we turn left before we go off the cliff? A: If you see something, say nothing and drink to forget. Q: So Master, exactly how were you able to handle the other-dimensional denizens, and why do you have that drink? A: The Master has been schooled. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 A: The Master has been schooled. Q: So, Doctor, do you think we've won this time? A: Yes, I know neutrons have no polarity and don't flow. I just like faking people out. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 20, 2017 Report Share Posted March 20, 2017 A: Yes, I know neutrons have no polarity and don't flow. I just like faking people out. Q - Did you really just sell the Department of Defense a neutron flow accelerator? A - He's got all the bricks, he's just missing the mortar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 21, 2017 Report Share Posted March 21, 2017 A - He's got all the bricks, he's just missing the mortar. Q: Has Corporal Pyle finished building that gun emplacement yet? A: The way she uses those oven mitts when baking cookies, you wouldn't guess she can swim in lava. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 27, 2017 Report Share Posted March 27, 2017 A: The way she uses those oven mitts when baking cookies, you wouldn't guess she can swim in lava. Q: Is it true that Volcana has renounced her life of crime and become a gourmet pastry chef? A: What, not who. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 A: What, not who. Q: OK, who just exploded and took out the Statue of Liberty? A: In the Beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. And then the murders began. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 A: In the Beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. And then the murders began. Q: So what's an example of the new version to be used, instead of appending, "in bed"? A: Bed, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 29, 2017 Report Share Posted March 29, 2017 A: Bed, please. Q: It's three a.m. Where do you want me to leave the baby? A: It's just like a kitten. A thousand-pound kitten with non-retractable claws and glowing red eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 31, 2017 Report Share Posted March 31, 2017 A: It's just like a kitten. A thousand-pound kitten with non-retractable claws and glowing red eyes. Q: Etrigan had a pet?! A: Even quantum mechanics doesn't explain that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted April 1, 2017 Report Share Posted April 1, 2017 A: Even quantum mechanics doesn't explain that. Q: I put the cat in the box, waited like you said, and when I opened it, out came fourteen rats, six budgies, seven opossums, and eleven newly-sprouted barrel cacti. What did Schrodinger say about this?!? A: The wrong way for you to solve these homework problems is to get the roto-tiller, run it across your paper and textbook, and set the ruins on fire. That, however, is the right way for me to handle your paper now that I have read it. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 1, 2017 Report Share Posted April 1, 2017 A: The wrong way for you to solve these homework problems is to get the roto-tiller, run it across your paper and textbook, and set the ruins on fire. That, however, is the right way for me to handle your paper now that I have read it. Q: Um, Professor, why did you give me an F- on my homework assignment? A: Technically speaking, tequila is a solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted April 1, 2017 Report Share Posted April 1, 2017 A: Technically speaking, tequila is a solution. Q: Ten minutes ago I handed you a calculus assignment. So why are you off to the bar? A: It's like Delta House, only they actually study and get good grades. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted April 1, 2017 Report Share Posted April 1, 2017 Q: Ten minutes ago I handed you a calculus assignment. So why are you off to the bar? A: It's like Delta House, only they actually study and get good grades. Q: So, what's the Lambda, Lambda, Lambda fraternity like? A: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted April 2, 2017 Report Share Posted April 2, 2017 A: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it. Q: Aside from the blood all over the place and the complete absence of animal life, what clues do we have to show that the Hobgoblins have overrun River City, Iowa? A; It looks like the dragon eggs I ordered a few weeks ago just arrived. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 12, 2017 Report Share Posted April 12, 2017 A; It looks like the dragon eggs I ordered a few weeks ago just arrived. Q: There's a package waiting for you in the courtyard. Bring your oven mitts. A: The fading light will guide you home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted April 12, 2017 Report Share Posted April 12, 2017 A: The fading light will guide you home. Q: Any hope of getting back to a place where reason is used and criteria other than personal gain count for policy decisions? A: Sadly, Charles Guiteau assassinated James Garfield, not John Rockefeller. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted April 13, 2017 Report Share Posted April 13, 2017 A: Sadly, Charles Guiteau assassinated James Garfield, not John Rockefeller. Q: You rejected my Economic History thesis? Whatever for? A: They can snow all their clients by calling it "science" -- although it's only Sociology! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted April 13, 2017 Report Share Posted April 13, 2017 Q: You rejected my Economic History thesis? Whatever for? A: They can snow all their clients by calling it "science" -- although it's only Sociology! Q: Why are all the scientists rioting? A: The universe is inverted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted April 13, 2017 Report Share Posted April 13, 2017 A: The universe is inverted. Q: What makes you think the Earth is upside down? A: That is a grave offense to the very idea of candy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 13, 2017 Report Share Posted April 13, 2017 A: That is a grave offense to the very idea of candy. Q - Sriracha-garlic candy cane, anyone? A - If only you could actually fly.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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