Pariah Posted July 13, 2015 Report Share Posted July 13, 2015 A: I would love to see this particular piece of technology uninvented -- but it's so darn useful I just can't bring myself to go back in time and do it! Q - Don't you wish sometimes that the time machine had never been invented? A - That's not just impossible, it's also in exceptionally poor taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted July 14, 2015 Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 Q: What do you mean it's physically impossible for Hancock to stick a person's head up another person's butt? A: I really didn't want or need that image in my head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 14, 2015 Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 A: I really didn't want or need that image in my head.Q: President Donald Trump? A: As in fizzbin, what's trump changes every trick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 14, 2015 Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 A: As in fizzbin, what's trump changes every trick. Q: Right-wing political candidates really need to spend less time in brothels, don't they? A: It's usually considered bad form to kill your friends while committing suicide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 Q: I've I've decided to blow up the sun... wanna help? A: Now matter how much horse-radish you put on it, a sh**-sandwich still tastes like sh**. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 A: Now matter how much horse-radish you put on it, a sh**-sandwich still tastes like sh**. Q: How's the company cafeteria food? A: The more bread you got, the less s**t you gotta eat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 A: The more bread you got, the less s**t you gotta eat. Q: You mean money really does buy happiness? A: Without the pretty pink ribbon, you'd end up just like me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 Q: You mean money really does buy happiness? A: Without the pretty pink ribbon, you'd end up just like me! Q: Are you comparing Mrs. Clinton with President Nixon again? A: We have a robot doing the robot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted July 16, 2015 Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 Q: So tell me, Conner, what do you think will happen if we upload Saturday Night Fever and Boogie Nights into Skynet's Mainframe? A: The Sh*t-eth hath hit-eth the fan.... eth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 16, 2015 Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 A: The Sh*t-eth hath hit-eth the fan.... eth. Q: What did Shakespeare say when Bacon tried to steal the credit for his plays? A: Sorry, I can't attack Helm's Deep tonight. The Orcs have formed a union. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 Q: What did Shakespeare say when Bacon tried to steal the credit for his plays? A: Sorry, I can't attack Helm's Deep tonight. The Orcs have formed a union. Q: So Gandalf, for what reason are you simply hanging around in the background while Helm's Deep is getting destroyed? A: That was the best dive through the black hole that I have ever witnessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 Q: You know, I think adding Quantum Mechanical Engineering to the Summer Olympics was the greatest idea I ever had! A: Napalm and Silly Putty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 A: Napalm and Silly Putty. Q: What is Godzilla's chewing gum made out of? A: When he returns, he'll be pretty hard to miss -- what with the invincible angelic horde and all.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted July 17, 2015 Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 Q: You say they are doing a spin-off film for Lord of the Rings to cover Gandalf's experiences while he was 'dead?' I wonder how soon they'll announce it? A: Dude, have you ever looked at your hands? Aren't they just weird? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 20, 2015 Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 A: Dude, have you ever looked at your hands? Aren't they just weird? Q: Why won't you let me take my gloves off? A: I have to say your Doomsday Device is a lot less impressive than you think it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 20, 2015 Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 A: I have to say your Doomsday Device is a lot less impressive than you think it is. Q - Look, just press this button, and my machine makes Doomsday action figures out of recycled KFC sporks! Isn't that so cool?! A - This would be more entertaining if anthracite coal were involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 20, 2015 Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 A - This would be more entertaining if anthracite coal were involved. Q: They published Santa's Naughty List? A: That is not an approved use for Pym Particles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted July 21, 2015 Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 Q: Do you think Hank would mind if I borrowed his tech to shrink my hemorrhoids? A: I think someone slipped me some LSD... cuz that looks an awful lot like a green koala in a purple party hat playing a green ukelele. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 21, 2015 Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 A: I think someone slipped me some LSD... cuz that looks an awful lot like a green koala in a purple party hat playing a green ukelele. Q: Would you mind not staring at my wife? A: No, Mr. Trump. You're fired! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted July 22, 2015 Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Q: Did you hear that Trump is planning on firing everyone who works for the Federal Government when he gets elected? A: Chaos, Destruction, Anarchy. My work here is done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 23, 2015 Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 A: Chaos, Destruction, Anarchy. My work here is done. Q: I guess you're not the second Jesus after all? A: Baby, I was wrong to ever let you down -- but I did what I did before love came to town! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueCloud2k2 Posted July 23, 2015 Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 Q: So you are planning on getting your ex back with badly written lyrics? How's that working out? A: Ethics schmethics. Who's needs ethics when you have the next best thing to omnipotence? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 23, 2015 Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 A: Ethics schmethics. Who's needs ethics when you have the next best thing to omnipotence? Q: Describe the corporate CEO mindset in fewer than fifteen words. A: Launch him over a building! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted July 23, 2015 Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 Q: Describe the corporate CEO mindset in fewer than fifteen words. A: Launch him over a building! Q: What was that explosion? And why is that Dodge Dart airborne? A: Achievement Unlocked: Killed By A Gazebo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 24, 2015 Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 A: Achievement Unlocked: Killed By A Gazebo. Q: What can you get in the hot new FPS Assault on River City, Iowa? A: Join us at the picnic! You can eat your fill of all the food you bring yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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