Pariah Posted Tuesday at 03:46 AM Report Share Posted Tuesday at 03:46 AM I never realized that cottage cheese isn't really cheese. It's just a curd to me. Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted Tuesday at 04:52 AM Report Share Posted Tuesday at 04:52 AM 1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. 2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it. 3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. 4. It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles. 5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. 6. When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. 7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. 8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative. 9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers. 10. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?" 11. When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing. 12. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever. 13. I run like the winded. 14. I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on. 15. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?" 16. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery? 17. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited. 18. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east." 19. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out. 20. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops. 21. My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb." Credits Goes to the respective Author Ockham's Spoon and slikmar 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted Tuesday at 05:19 AM Report Share Posted Tuesday at 05:19 AM Good friends Sam the Clam and Larry the Lobster died at the same time. Larry went to heaven and was given a harp to play. Sam went to hell and played guitar in a disco. Larry pleaded to get the weekend off and go jam with his old friend Sam. So he went. Upon his return, St. Peter saw that Larry was upset. "What's wrong?" "Oh, I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted Tuesday at 12:30 PM Report Share Posted Tuesday at 12:30 PM 7 hours ago, Bazza said: If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?" Reminds me of this one... When I'm in a restroom stall, and someone tries to open the door, I yell "Come back with a warrant!" Pariah, Christougher and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted Wednesday at 10:23 AM Report Share Posted Wednesday at 10:23 AM I read that a Hollywood studio is moving forward on a live action Veggie Tales movie. The first star to sign on was Benedict Cucumberbatch. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted Wednesday at 06:17 PM Report Share Posted Wednesday at 06:17 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted Thursday at 08:40 PM Report Share Posted Thursday at 08:40 PM If you're feeling down, your pillow may be broken. Pariah and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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