lemming Posted June 21, 2011 Report Share Posted June 21, 2011 Re: Jokes Can the SPCA actually make arrests? Depends on the Animal Agency and the city and what powers they get. You get the whole range of no power what-so-ever (the usual) to Animal Control being part of the police. Some animal shelters function as the Animal Control in their area, but they usually have to call local police if actual arrests have to be made. And at another level, citations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Re: Jokes WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing only requires 4 correct answers out of 10) 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3)> From which animal do we get catgut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? All done? Check your answers below! ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? *116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? *Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? *Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? *November 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? *Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? *Dogs 7) What was King George VI's first name? *Albert 8) What color is a purple finch? *Crimson 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? *New Zealand 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? *Orange, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Re: Jokes WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing only requires 4 correct answers out of 10) 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3)> From which animal do we get catgut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? All done? Check your answers below! ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? *116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? *Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? *Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? *November 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? *Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? *Dogs 7) What was King George VI's first name? *Albert 8) What color is a purple finch? *Crimson 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? *New Zealand 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? *Orange, of course. One of the questions is wrong. The Canary Islands are in the Atlantic. And I got five right. But I'm a know it all. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Re: Jokes I knew #7 primarily because of the movie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Re: Jokes I've seen this one before, so I remembered some of the answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McCoy Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Re: Jokes WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (Passing only requires 4 correct answers out of 10) Reminds me of my favorite sports trivia question. In what state do the New York Giants and New York Jets play their home games? Look it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barwickian Posted June 24, 2011 Report Share Posted June 24, 2011 Re: Jokes From a Muslim gamer friend: "Muslim clerics are useless. They can't cure light wounds, turn undead or anything." === An American tourist visits Britain. He tours St Paul's Cathedral on Monday, taking plenty of photos, and notices a golden phone behind the altar. "What's that?" he asked a passing cleric (Anglicans can't turn undead either). "That's a line to God," the clergyman tells him. "Can I...?" "Certainly, but I have to warn you, calls cost £50 million a minute." The tourist whistles, takes a photo and moves on. Tuesday, Canterbury Cathedral. The shrines of St Anselm and St Thomas Becket, incredible gothic architecture. Behind the altar, a golden phone. A passing verger tells him, like the one in St Paul's, it's a line to God, and calls cost £50 million a minute. It's Wednesday, it must be Ely. The tourist goes to see Oliver Cromwell's house, then the cathedral with its beautiful painted ceilings and wooden tower. Behind the altar, he notices another golden phone. He asks a priest and, sure enough, it's another line to God: £50 million a minute. Thursday, Lincoln, same thing. Another golden phone behind the altar in the Cathedral. £50 million a minute to call. On Friday, he reaches York. So much to see: the Jorvik Centre Viking Museum, the ancient walls, the National Rail Museum, the medieval Barley Hall. There's good Yorkshire ale to sup in the pubs. After his lunch he goes to York Minster, the largest medieval church in Europe, and the seat of the Archbishop of York. Behind the high altar, he sees a golden phone. "Let me guess," he says to one of the wardens. "Direct line to God?" "Aye, it is." "£50 million a minute?" "Nay, lad. Ten pence a minute." "Only 10p? Why?" "It's a local call from here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted June 25, 2011 Report Share Posted June 25, 2011 Re: Jokes One of the questions is wrong. The Canary Islands are in the Atlantic. And I got five right. But I'm a know it all. That's not the only one they got wrong. The one about Chinese gooseberries is wrong just about any way you slice it. The Chinese gooseberry is called that because it did, in fact, originate in China. Even if you interpret the question as meaning "where are most of them grown today" I believe their answer is STILL wrong. Lucius Alexander The palindromedary notes that they're delicious anywhere they come from Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 25, 2011 Report Share Posted June 25, 2011 Re: Jokes Reminds me of my favorite sports trivia question. In what state do the New York Giants and New York Jets play their home games? Look it up. In a similar vein, "Name the two largest US cities without an NFL franchise." New York City and Los Angeles, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 2, 2011 Report Share Posted July 2, 2011 Re: Jokes A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans." The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?" "A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 5, 2011 Report Share Posted July 5, 2011 Re: Jokes Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - Kit-Kats, Mars bars, Snickers, Cheetos, and more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 5, 2011 Report Share Posted July 5, 2011 Re: Jokes Spoilered for innuendo. Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of whiteout. I woke up this morning with a huge correction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted July 23, 2011 Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 Re: Jokes What do you get when you cross a Shambling Mound and a notorious Star Wars bounty hunter? [ducks ahead of time]. a MOSFET. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
austenandrews Posted July 23, 2011 Report Share Posted July 23, 2011 Re: Jokes "No dis-integration!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted July 27, 2011 Report Share Posted July 27, 2011 Re: Jokes Chemistry jokes in my email... Cats are composed of Iron, Lithium and Neon. FeLiNe. Want to hear the joke about Nitrous Oxide? NO. Tell a potassium joke. K. What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium. What did the criminal element say to the police? I Cu copper. Do you know any jokes about sodium? Na. Argon walks into a bar, and the bouncer says to get out. Argon doesn't react. How much does a chemist make? Iron enough. Au, want some gold? The neutron wants to pay it's tab, the bartender says "For you, no charge." Wanna hear a joke about element 116? UUH. I wanted to make some more clever chemistry jokes, but the best ones argon. - Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 27, 2011 Report Share Posted July 27, 2011 Re: Jokes Nickel cerium! (NiCe, that is.) Repped, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 30, 2011 Report Share Posted July 30, 2011 Re: Jokes After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly, then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asked, "What does that mean?" He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot." She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?" He said, "I'm Just Kidding!" His eye is still swollen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted July 30, 2011 Report Share Posted July 30, 2011 Re: Jokes Wouldn't a steampunk story involving Police Inspector Harry Callahan be... lucky? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Re: Jokes Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his pizza? Because he ate it before it was cool, man! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SatinKitty Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Re: Jokes Wop ! Wop ! Wop ! Wop ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSgt Baloo Posted August 14, 2011 Report Share Posted August 14, 2011 Re: Jokes Wop ! Wop ! Wop ! Wop ! I hear an approaching helicopter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 Re: Jokes Two snakes were lying the the grass one morning. The first snake asked, "Could you tell me what you get when you subtract seven from twelve?" "No," the second snake replied. "I'm just an adder." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teh bunneh Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 Re: Jokes Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on homeopathic medicine? He forgot to take it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeropoint Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 Re: Jokes Two snakes were lying the the grass one morning. The first snake asked, "Could you tell me what you get when you subtract seven from twelve?" "No," the second snake replied. "I'm just an adder." Ah, that reminds me . . . Shortly after the Flood, Noah was making the rounds and visiting the animal couples, making sure they were settling in and reproducing. For the most part, it was going well, but one pair of snakes just didn't seem to be having any luck. "Is there anything I can do to help?" he asked. "Anything at all, really!" "Well . . ." said one of the snakes, "This might sound kind of strange . . ." "My friends, I didn't go through all that trouble to give up on you now! Whatever you need, I'll get it, and I won't judge you!" "Okay, then. What we need you to do is take some tree trunks and make a platform about waist high, something like two cubits by four." Noah scratched his head. "Well, I don't quite understand, but I'll have my boys whip it up in no time." True to his word, Noah delivered the requested item the next day, and left the snakes to get busy in private. Months later when he got back to them again, they had a big batch of robustly wriggling little snakelets. "Congratulations! I'm so happy it worked out . . . but if you don't mind my asking, just how did that contraption help?" "Well," said the snake, "we're adders, so we need a log table to multiply." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 18, 2011 Report Share Posted August 18, 2011 Re: Jokes How did I not see that coming? Repped, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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