mattingly Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 Re: Jokes Dear Grampa, Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 Re: Jokes Dear Grampa, Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed. My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now... And that's when the kid learnt the skilled of lying by memorizing and regurgitating irrelevant or incorrect "facts" that authority thinks you should believe, a valuable skill in the business world and one of the primary things schools teach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Escafarc Posted February 6, 2011 Report Share Posted February 6, 2011 Re: Jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Re: Jokes And that's when the kid learnt the skilled of lying by memorizing and regurgitating irrelevant or incorrect "facts" that authority thinks you should believe' date=' a valuable skill in the business world and one of the primary things schools teach.[/quote'] My friend learned this is what's expected in 4th grade when he said something was a doppelganger and was sent to the principal for making up words. It didn't stop him, really, but he learned that was the expected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Re: Jokes And that's when the kid learnt the skilled of lying by memorizing and regurgitating irrelevant or incorrect "facts" that authority thinks you should believe' date=' a valuable skill in the business world and one of the primary things schools teach.[/quote'] More generally, it teaches that the majority of humans are ignorant and petty, which is a lesson I can't exactly fault. Frankly, I wish I'd learned it sooner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Re: Jokes My friend learned this is what's expected in 4th grade when he said something was a doppelganger and was sent to the principal for making up words. It didn't stop him' date=' really, but he learned that was the expected.[/quote'] Didn't you know? Students aren't allowed to be smarter or more skilled than the teacher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawnmower Boy Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Re: Jokes Didn't you know? Students aren't allowed to be smarter or more skilled than the teacher. Narf, Narf. Give it up, go along, the nail that sticks up, and all that. Remember: once you have the power and authority, you can pay your revenge forward! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Re: Jokes Narf, Narf. Give it up, go along, the nail that sticks up, and all that. Remember: once you have the power and authority, you can pay your revenge forward! ...Is there a point to your post, or are you just agreeing with the general tone of the last few posts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matrix3 Posted February 7, 2011 Report Share Posted February 7, 2011 Re: Jokes Didn't you know? Students aren't allowed to be smarter or more skilled than the teacher. Some become teachers because they want to better society, to share their knowledge and help young minds grow and mature. Others want to exert their power, but can't pass the police academy physical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Re: Jokes Didn't you know? Students aren't allowed to be smarter or more skilled than the teacher. In my class, it's not really an issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Re: Jokes Didn't you know? Students aren't allowed to be smarter or more skilled than the teacher. I've known a few teachers like that, but I'd love to work with such a student. In my class' date=' it's not really an issue. [/quote'] That's the case with me a lot of times. But I have several students who show promise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Re: Jokes That's the case with me a lot of times. But I have several students who show promise. What are you waiting for? Hurry up and crush their spirits, man! You call yourself a teacher? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Re: Jokes I may be a little bitter about my time in institutionalized hell...I mean, school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Re: Jokes That's the case with me a lot of times. But I have several students who show promise. I've got several as well. Especially in my AP class. Some of those kids are exceptionally bright, and it's a challenge to stay ahead of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted February 8, 2011 Report Share Posted February 8, 2011 Re: Jokes Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth WASHINGTON—In a strong rebuke of President Obama and his domestic agenda, all 242 House Republicans voted Wednesday to repeal the Asteroid Destruction and American Preservation Act, which was signed into law last year to destroy the immense asteroid currently hurtling toward Earth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 Re: Jokes Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth Given the current shape of US politics, I have absolutely no problem believing this would happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSgt Baloo Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 Re: Jokes Speaking of dense teachers, In High School, I had a math teacher who asserted that the number "two" was the only even prime number we knew of, but one might eventually be discovered. I tried to point out that higher even numbers could never be prime, but could not articulate that if it was divisible by any number other than itself and one, it was by definition, "not prime". I can now, of course, but my young mind had never before encountered an authority figure that stupid, and was baffled by her B.S. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted February 9, 2011 Report Share Posted February 9, 2011 Re: Jokes It's really not hard to be smarter than your teacher. I've seen assistant football coaches pressed into service as science teachers. I've seen tenured teachers so close to retirement that they would spend class time sorting M&Ms, when they could be bothered to show up. I've seen teachers that were more interested in teaching "values" than facts. I've seen teachers that were completely ineffective for reasons of health, mental health, age, class size, lack of administrative support, you name it. Many school districts require that teachers have a degree in teaching, not in the subject they're teaching. Some districts don't even have that requirement. The bar is set real low here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yamamura Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Re: Jokes I had a social science teacher who idea of teaching was sociology was having a 5 question open book quiz on Friday. The rest of the class was basically a study hall. I still don't know how he got away with it or why he was even a teacher other the to coach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted February 10, 2011 Report Share Posted February 10, 2011 Re: Jokes I had a social science teacher who idea of teaching was sociology was have a 5 question open book quiz on Friday. The rest of the class was basically a study hall. I still don't know how he got away with it or why he was even a teacher other the to coach. I had a English teacher who spent Monday thru Thursday showing a 1930's era romantic comedy movie, and Friday giving a quiz on said movie. I learned a lot about 1930's film making, scripts, and sexual innuendo, but little about High School level English. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 Re: Jokes I had a middle school history teacher who taught us that a painter named Gogan had once cut his own ear off in a fit of depression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 Re: Jokes I had a middle school history teacher who taught us that a painter named Gogan had once cut his own ear off in a fit of depression. I had a teacher (Roman Catholic School) who insisted that at Pearl Harbor, the Japanese followed a navigation radio signal for B-52's and sank the nuclear powered USS Enterprise. She knew this because she had been to the memorial. Given that I was a history nut at the time, a know it all, and only twelve, I got into a lot of trouble for contradicting her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mayapuppies Posted February 11, 2011 Report Share Posted February 11, 2011 Re: Jokes A U.S.Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work. A Captain said it was 50%-50%. A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure. The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why? "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Re: Jokes His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.' The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN', he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is... You're NOT my flight instructor?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Re: Jokes The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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